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child contact with a violent ex partner

(9 Posts)
Katem81 Tue 23-Aug-11 23:35:46

First time I have posted on here, but seen that people give some really good advice.

I am currently concerned about my ex partner taking me to court in order to gain contact with our 6month old baby. I am worried about the type of contact that he would be granted???

A quick overview of the situaton is that I am currently witholding contact and I have told him that he needs to arrange it through a solicitor, because contact can no longer be arranged amicably between us. The reason for this is that he is continually violent at my home. He has been charged twice with criminal damage against my car. He is currently serving a 28 day sentance for the last incident. When he was charged, he was given bail conditions not to contact me, he breached these conditions 6 times. From threatening to kill himself, to threatening to kill me.

I do not want him to have contact with my daughter. He has a history of violenceand has served a number of sentances for such. He is extremely irresponsible for example, he fights in front of his oldest daughter. He is emotionally abusive towards his oldest daughter for example, he tells her he loves other people more than her and shouts at her about her mum. He will be served an injunction whilst he is in prison. I am also having to move house because the police have advised that this would be the best option to escape the abuse. The list goes on.....

The thought of him taking my baby, scares the crap out of me to be honest. What is the most likely outcome at court? You hear such horror story's about abusive men, continuing to abuse women through the courts and how horrid the process is. I told him months ago that the only way that this can be resolved is through a solicitor months ago, he has since done another 5 incidents of breach of bail and criminal damage, he told the judge yesterday that he would not contact me and would arrange contact through a solicitor, he has not done this so far, what is the likelihood that he will now?

Any questions, feel free to ask

HerBeX Wed 24-Aug-11 00:57:08

Have you phoned the Gingerbread advice line?

Sorry not to be more help, but I think you need to speak to experts about this.

Here's the link to their advice line

I hope they set your mind at rest and give you some good advice.

GypsyMoth Wed 24-Aug-11 01:03:15

You need cafcass and court.

Insist on supervised if he gets as far ad the courtroom. I hot a section 91(14) on my violent ex, quite rare, but he was also violent and threatening suicide, like your ex

Let him take it to court..... Is there address you could use for mail?don't arrange it through a solicitor as nothing is legally binding. Do find a good family solicitor to act for you though

My ex has zero contact after messing up/prison/violence/ not turning up to court

Be firm, and I had to push push push!!

Katem81 Wed 24-Aug-11 07:36:55

thanks for that,

Whats a section 91(14)? How long did it take to get to court?

cestlavielife Wed 24-Aug-11 08:14:40

Agree insist on supervised contact at a contact centre court ordered can be supervised and observed and recorded this should not be a problem given the evidence. Background.
Speak to a solicitor and if he takes it to court make sure dv form is filled in and get carcass involved. Just put across that you want to ensure her and your safety.
Visit local contact centre and speak to staff find one which has dealt with dv www.naccc.org.uk

Reality is that if he insists on contact and acts reasonable before a judge then he. May be granted contact centre but he will have to prove over time he is committed. This wil all take time -months- to set up so just insist on contact centre properly supervised and several months of that then review.
Any incidents during that time can be recorded.

cestlavielife Wed 24-Aug-11 08:20:50

It is best to go via court and cafcass because then more likely the contact centre will be paid for.
When someone is violent unstable then official process is only way forward
In meantime stick to no direct contact between you and him go via third party.
If he does the "I just want to see my child" line then yes he will get contact but you can ensure it is supervised contact centre for many months until he proves himself.

Unless there is independent witness reported of how he is with his other dc then that may not count stick to all the evidence police reports etc you have

Katem81 Wed 24-Aug-11 09:52:42

thank-you for that, I can't help worrying, it may be unduly considering the amount of evidence there is now, the fact that he is in prison for crimes against me, the quanity of statements i have made and the non-molestation order.

It's just a scary thought, that this idiot will be allowed to wander around with my daughter putting my child at risk. Before all this, I was adamant that fathers should be allowed in their childrens lives. It's really made me stop and think about the descions mothers have to make when people are careless with their childrens wellbeing just to get what they want. I do still support her right to know him, but I support her right to be safe and live her childhood free from hostitilty more.

This is a fling gone very wrong, he is such an idiot, me as well for my stupidity on that night 15 months ago!!!!!!

blackeyedsusan Wed 24-Aug-11 11:42:13

difficult isn't it. i would write more... but ...

well lets say I do know a bit about trying to make those decisions

cestlavielife Wed 24-Aug-11 14:22:00

well you can use the court system to make sure he isnt wandering around with her.
and if you make sure there is no contact with you (between you adn him ie everything arranged via contact centre where you dont ahve to see him -handovers done by staff) then you might find he backs off -

but if he does really want to have a relationship with his daughter he will jump thru the necessary hoops. he will need to prove himself.

but i agree - in long run limited contact with this individual is probably best. yes she should know who he is and circumstances of how she came to be, but if you can provide a stable secure home for her then occasional supervised contact with him should not do too much harm....

he will really need to prove himself to get beyond the contact centre visits long term. stick to that principle of supervised only for long time....work with CAFCASS, social services etc giving your concerns as hard facts and that it is about welfare of your child given his history

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