I hate my ex, I really do, he truly is the most spiteful, mean, selfish person I have ever known.

[akaemmafrost]

Today after yet another lengthy text battle started by him requesting a LOAN!, which I refused, he sent me one saying "most of your problems would be solved if you got a job, you have never achieved anything and just sit on your arse expecting everything to be handed to you on a plate" well that was the gist anyway.

My current problems include my Dad being ill, an old friend dying young of a heart attack last week (not a problem at all rather a ) and being absolutely on my uppers skint, due to car mot, car tax, permit and rent arrears RAN UP BY HIM WHEN HE LIVED HERE! being paid off this month and an ex H who rarely turns up when he says he is going to leaving me to deal with two devastated dc.

So apparently all those problems would be solved by me getting a fucking job. My children are 8 and 4, my eldest has autism and doesn't even have a school place at the moment due to our local LA's inability to find a school that meets his needs.

Apparently I am a "lazy twat" albeit one who single handedly cares for these kids and is doing an OU degree in her very little, tiny amount of spare time with NO family nearby to help out at all.

SO ANYONE OUT THERE WANT TO EMPLOY ME AND SOLVE ALL MY PROBLEMS????? HUH???! Feel free to PM me if you have any suitable vacancies.

Rant over.

[cantfindamnnickname]

But he is your ex why engage with him on any level unless it specifically relates to your children?

[Meglet]

He's a prize twat. (short but sweet).

You have lots on your plate, just ignore him.

[Lilyloo]

Does he have to have your number. Maybe easier to not engage with him when he so obviously talks rubbish. Given he was the one asking YOU for a loan !

[akaemmafrost]

I have to engage with him because he sees the dc at my place. His own is not suitable. So he just drops in as and when. Not that often admittedly but its a PITA. He is a bullying, aggressive arse of a man and I honestly don't know how to get free of him.

From today I will not respond to any text message that does not directly relate to children. I have already perfected the art of walking out the minute he walks in etc.

lilyloo I KNOW! He is asking ME, a lone parent on benefits for a LOAN but I am the loser? Wtf?

[cantfindamnnickname]

Well tell him if he wants to see the children he can find somewhere suitable and if he is being an arse then make a definate arrangement - treat HIM like a child - if he plays nice then he gets to see the children if he plays horrible he can see them when convenient - you are not stopping contact you are protecting yourself and the children from his aggression.

Just ignore his request for money - he must know how ludicrous that is - dont get into an argument about it

[Lilyloo]

Good idea , same as walking out when he walks in , he texts you don't reply.
I am sure you no longer care what he thinks of you.

[akaemmafrost]

Thanks, it really helps having others confirm what a first, class TWAT he is! And no I don't care what he thinks but for some reason it still stings. Wonder why that is?

[Bandwithering]

i think you should read the NPD thread, or support for those in (or out of) abusive relationships.

I would stop communicating with him for a start. So, he sends you a text telling you you're a lazy hairy midget. IGNORE it! I tell you, it'll confuse him no end. He'll think you've got a new phone. It's really, really hard when you start trying to ignore and disengage, as it makes you feel really doormatty to ignore all the insults... it's natural to want to defend yourself.

But if you don't even bother to defend yourself, eventually it will seem so bizarrely random and inappropriate for him to insult you, that even he will not do it.

If he wasn't a reasonable man when you were with him then he won't suddenly become reasonable now that he needs a loan.

[Bandwithering]

ps, I no longer have a notion what my x thinks of me. But I have a sneaking suspicion he has a bit more respect for me now that i cut him off stone dead than when I was defending myself to him all the time. It was ME who made the decision to cease ALL communication, and I know that bothers him.

[angrywoman]

Tell him to stop messaging you or you will involve police. I have had exactly the same crap from my ex about me being a lazy work-dodger (and full time ie no nights off mum to his three children... and a full time student...) Things never improved and although I thought I should / could ignore his abusive texts now they have stopped, thanks to the police and I feel so much better.
Look for another place to have contact. It sounds like a complete invasion of your space. Relatives that could supervise? Public places?

[Bandwithering]

yeah for your mental health you need to be able to feel that your home is an X free zone. My x isn't allowed in to my home. no way. he has to entertain the children himself, who knows where, who cares. he used to make me feel it was my fault there was nowhere to go and that everything was so expensive but i stopped responding, stopped trying to make things 'easy' for him so now whatever moans and gripes he has he isn't venting them to me. thank god.

[littlemisssarcastic]

Is there a reason why your XP can't pick the children up from your house and take them out? He'd only have to be on the doorstep then?

If it makes you feel any better, my XP stole a large amount of money from me and then suggested I take out a loan in my name to replace the funds!!!

I still cannot believe the downright nerve of the man!!!! Even after all of this time!!!

I never got a penny of the money back, and we struggled alot for a time to make up for it, but XP didn't care.

I would distance myself from him if I were you. Don't let him in your house, don't communicate with him unless it's wrt the DC.

[Bandwithering]

yeah, when i left my x, I left him with a debt, and he had engineered it that way. he made me pay for groceries on a credit card in his name, and he made me put other things on it too every month, such as petrol and parking permits etc..... so that every month I had this debt that I needed settled hanging over me in MY name. Eventually I left one month and had about 500 on it. Nothing I could do. It was never going to go away. He'd settle it one month but then the next month he'd say to me, oh put that on your credit card will you? and I could never object becaue he settled it at the end of the month. He was canny like that.