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ex stopping my kids hols with grandparents!!

(19 Posts)
wend17 Fri 12-Aug-11 14:26:21

pls can anyone help, anyone been in this situation??
my ex is trying to stop my 3 boys going away on holiday with my mother and father. they have been previous years with them and all was fine but the only reason now is because he is angry and getting back at me. this is causing upset, sleepless nights, you name it! it is so unfair to
We have a court date which falls 2 days before they plan to go away. is he able to do this to them?

anyone in the know please help sad

cestlavielife Fri 12-Aug-11 14:29:45

what are his reasons for stoppping the holiday?

wend17 Fri 12-Aug-11 14:34:06

just because it affects 'his time'....that being the weekends with the kids, but he isnt considering his kids in any of this

scurryfunge Fri 12-Aug-11 14:36:11

If they are going abroad, then yes he can stop them.
If they are not going abroad then he can't stop you.

wend17 Fri 12-Aug-11 14:41:00

they are going to france
the holiday has been booked for almost year. everything paid for etc
so because he is being a nasty piece of work he can do this to them?
we have put in a court order against him doing this, will that help our case any?

scurryfunge Fri 12-Aug-11 14:46:08

Yes he is abusing the spirit of the legislation. It was designed to prevent a parent taking their children permanently abroad. He sounds very unreasonable and vindictive. You could run the risk of going anyway and hope that the ports do not check you have permission.
I wonder if any mnetters can advise about whether ferry/airports do routinely check for permission.

wend17 Fri 12-Aug-11 14:52:08

he is a very twisted person and doesnt see how his actions affect everyone around him. there are return dates, i'm not even going with them so of course they are coming home again. he is claiming child abduction against my parents!

ChasingSquirrels Fri 12-Aug-11 14:53:58

Not advising one way or another, but neither I nor my ex have even been asked whether we have permission to take the children when travelling abroad with them.
If they were going with Grandparents I would give the Grandparents a letter giving my permission.

GypsyMoth Fri 12-Aug-11 14:55:29

He could alert ferries/ports? Make it difficult

In court you need to mention this and offer him generous extra contact when they return. Then you look reasonable in front if the judge, and he looks spiteful!

Who has the passports?

scurryfunge Fri 12-Aug-11 14:56:15

Your parents will need written permission from you and your ex. (I take it he has parental responsibility). If you have the residence order then you don't need permission.
I think the court will be the only way to resolve it. You run the risk of him complaining on their return. I would be confident that the court would allow the holiday.

wend17 Fri 12-Aug-11 15:01:29

i never stop him seeing them extra around holits for days. i have all the passports for the children (another expense for this holiday). my parents had my permission and he was told well in advance and raised no objections. i just hope the courts see it from kids side and what benefits them as he is a very good actor! :s

Snorbs Fri 12-Aug-11 15:03:38

I, too, would be extremely confident that the court will allow the holiday. Particularly if the GPs have done similar holidays in the past with no problems. Courts generally expect parents to be at least a little bit flexible about this kind of thing so as long as you offer to make up for the missed contact then he's going to look like an absolute twat in court.

wend17 Fri 12-Aug-11 15:11:52

thankyou for all your help, i do feel bit more optimisic but i wont rest easy til court day has been and gone. i feel very ganged up on as his girlfriend has been harrassing me over it too

NicknameTaken Fri 12-Aug-11 16:13:14

I was in a similar circumstance re ex trying to stop me taking DD to a family holiday in Spain, and had no difficulty getting a specific issue order allowing me to go. Given he knows about it, there are return arrangements, and you're not even going, I'd be confident that a court will say they can go.

blackeyedsusan Fri 12-Aug-11 16:14:56

keep records of the harassment to show to the court.

GypsyMoth Fri 12-Aug-11 16:17:33

What are they saying? What is the gf reasoning?

Not the point of the thread I know (and I'm sorry your ex is being an arse) but when my sister took my DSs to France we had to get a specific form from the French Embassy (I think we downloaded it from their website) that I had to fill in, to give her permission to take them. This was a couple of years ago and that might be what you're talking about up thread, but I'd hate you to get things sorted with your ex then fall foul with the paperwork at the last minute.

niceguy2 Fri 12-Aug-11 17:41:00

What are his official objections?

I guess the fact he doesn't want to lose the contact days. In which case you can neutralise this by offering alternate days, even a couple more to offset. This will make him look unreasonable and inflexible.

When did you inform him and when did he say they couldn't go?

I can't see any court denying this holiday if your ex was told before you booked it and paid for after he raised no objections then only now has.

It all depends on what his objections are though. Sometimes what seems black & white is not when we only hear one side of the story.

Smum99 Sat 13-Aug-11 14:30:59

Good points from Niceguys and others. Generally courts will want to ensure that the children have access to both parents so if one parent has extra holiday time they will look at what has been offered as an alternative and what length of time the children will be away.i.e If by having this holiday the dcs would not see their parent for an extended period of time (maybe over 4 weeks) and no alternative has been offered then it might be considered unreasonable.

If the DCs are going away during his contact time but it affects 1 weekend and you have offered replacement weekends then he would be viewed as unreasonable. Also if you can show that you consulted him in advance and that you have prioritised his time with the dcs then his objections will appear petty in court.

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