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Need to stop all this crap and try and get along

(8 Posts)
divorcedrama37 Fri 05-Aug-11 14:33:12

Really need some advice, over the last two years of being separated hubby and I were on and off and now its definitely off and we are going thru divorce process. He has met someone else and although there for the kids, he seems to be more interested in new gf and her child. I admit I have had text rows etc which I regret and am trying to remain amicable now for the sake of the kids (2 ds) I came home last night to a 5 page letter from the mother in law telling me the marriage break down was my fault, Ive ruined his life and need to get help! Now whilst I am aware I could have behaved better on times, is there really any need for these insults? There is never just one person to blame I feel and really dont think its her busines. She
has asked to visit me this evening to discuss, Im not sure! Help!

ladydeedy Fri 05-Aug-11 14:45:59

Gosh. Harsh. What is the purpose for getting together this evening? Has she said? I wonder what she thinks it will resolve. She has obviously put her view down in writing - if it is to go over that again then I cant see any point.
Perhaps it is better to wait a little while before discussing anything with her (if indeed you do at all). You could acknowledge the letter. Sounds like it is still a bit raw at the moment so am not sure it would be helpful to discuss it with other parties - especially your mother in law!

titchy Fri 05-Aug-11 14:50:53

Tell her no! Nowt to do with her.

You need to communicate with your ex regarding the children, but you are under no obligation to communicate with him about anything else, or with members his family about anhthing.

cheeky mare! Her that is....

divorcedrama37 Fri 05-Aug-11 14:54:37

Thanks, I really do not care what she thinks of me, but her letter was harsh and completly biased. And its just draining when you are going through the divorce and trying to deal with the new situation as well. There are plenty of things I could have said about her over the years (she had an affair with a married an for 25 yrs, my kids have never been to her house?) so we are not talking about a pillar of society here on an amazing example of how to parent !!

gillybean2 Fri 05-Aug-11 15:19:23

well tell her that then!

Acknowledge her letter and point out that things are never that clear cut and no-one can truly know what goes on behind closed doors in another person's relationship.

Tell her that you understand her opinion will of course be heavily biased towards ex becausde you know it is based on what she has heard from him, and that you understand her loyalty to him and bear her no grudges. But be firm that the matter is between you and your ex and for the two of you to resolve and you won't be discussing it with her.

Tell her you don't want the situation to interfer with her relationship with her grandchildren so you would appreciated it if she minds her own business. You will not be discussing it with her and see little point in her visiting if it is simply to expound on her letter - which you have received and read thank you...

Tell her you will be leaving it at that and won't discuss it further with her. And don't discuss it further or be drawn in.

As far as your ex goes perhaps you need to tell him that it is time to draw a line and leave the past behind for the sake of the dc. That you have both moved on and your romantic relationship is in the past and you don't want to be fighting with him constantly and all that matters to you is the welfare of the dc.
Perhaps suggest mediation to help you both move beyond the current situation and ask him to consider it as you feel it is in the best interest of your dc that you both move on and try and work together to parent them.

titchy Fri 05-Aug-11 15:54:01

No I disagree with Gilly - don't tell her anything other than 'Your son and I have decided to divorce. The reasons are between him and me. I will not be discussing it, or anything else with you. I am sure your son will facilitate contact between you and your grandchildren but you will need to arrange that with him. Goodbye.'

privatename Fri 05-Aug-11 19:08:09

you are the weakest link...Goodbye!!! grin

privatename Fri 05-Aug-11 19:10:33

seriously,i think Titchy has it there,i made the mistake of phoning my mil to try to discuss with her,obviously she sides with her ds and justifies every bad thing he did...big mistake that i regret so much,i should have just left well alone.

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