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DD being left out.

(6 Posts)
roseyposeysmum Wed 03-Aug-11 09:43:04

Ever since i split up with my ex in October last year, i am getting concerned that my dd is being left out a awful lot.

She has a half sister who stays with my ex one night at the weekend, but everything is planned around her, he won't come and get my dd because his other dd is being dropped off, he expects me to run around and do all the dropping off and picking up so that he is free to run around after his other dd.

I still speak to his parents and they let it slip that his other dd and her couison had been away for a few days with them, and when they asked if my dd would like to go as well his response was no don't worry about her, he takes his other dd on all sorts of days out and to conecrts etc but my dd never gets anything like this.

To top it off his other DD is on school holidays at the moment and he has got her all next week, he has asked if he can have our dd for monday and tuesday. But he wants to drop he off with me on Monday night and then pick her up again on Tuesday morning then drop her off on Tuesday night again. When i asked would it be easier for him to keep her Monday night so we don't have to play pass the parcel with her as i don't think it is very fair on her, i got told - I am playing Cricket and my mum and dad are bring his other dd to watch, then she is going to stay at there house for the night.

I am wrong in thinking that it would have been just as easy for my dd to have been included.

Don't get me wrong i know one day she will see her dad for what he is a pathetic father who puts himself and his other dd first, but i feel so hurt on her behalf. She deserves the same chances to have fun as everybody else.

I don't know what to do.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Wed 03-Aug-11 12:11:47

Is he her biological dad? Sorry, but it's not clear. Also, how old are the two girls?

roseyposeysmum Wed 03-Aug-11 13:49:00

Yes he is her biological dad and my dd is 3.5 and his other dd is 7

SoftKittyWarmKitty Wed 03-Aug-11 14:00:30

Thanks for clarifying. I think his behaviour is unacceptable. He should treat his two DDs as equally as possible. What else have his parents said - would they be willing to have a word with him on your behalf? After all, your DD is their GD too. I don't see why your DD can't attend his cricket match and then stay over at their GPs - he seems to be looking for excuses not to have her as often. He may find a 3.5 year old harder work (for want of a better phrase) than a 7yo, but that's no excuse. He should see them equally and it would be nice for them to stay at the same time so they grow up knowing each other well.

Could you have a chat with him to see why this is happening? Maybe he's still upset about your split and is taking it out on your DD? Whatever the case, it needs sorting. I'd be tempted to get a free half hour with a solicitor tbh, see if they have any recommendations.

gillybean2 Wed 03-Aug-11 17:29:30

Not sure that a 3.5 year old would be that interested in a cricket match. PLus if those going actually want to watch the match they won't want to be watching a 3.5 year old.
I assume it will be quite a late match if they are going in the evening, another factor they might have considered when thinking about whether she'd enjoy it.

Your dd will probably get included more as she is older. I can't think that a 3.5 year old would enjoy a concert, cricket match etc. There's quite a big gap between them so I think you may be feeling it's unfair when it possibly isn't quite so clear cut.

Perhaps you need to bypass your ex and speak to GP instead. Say that'd you'd be more than happy for her to go to the cricket too and stay with them if they wanted that, just in case they thought otherwise... Then add that maybe the cricket wouldn't be so much fun for her but if they wanted her to stay over another time if they had a different activity to take her too instead that would be fine... Then leave a pause and see what they say.

roseyposeysmum Thu 04-Aug-11 08:45:31


I know the age gap is quite a big one but it just seems that everything is tailored to the older child. I know he can't take her to conecrts but he could take her out for the day or do something with her instead. It is becoming very obvious that she is playing second fiddle and it is not fair on her.

It is not a new thing, even when we were together our lives revolved around the first dd - i thought when we split he would then at least treat my dd the same as he doesn't see her as much no either. But no she still gets left out.

The cricket game is just in a park and nothing serious and i used to take my dd and she loved watching her daddy, and they normally finish about 7:30 so not too late for dd.I just don't think he can be bothered with her.

I wouldn't mind if she was hard work but as three year olds go - she is so sweet natured and very easy to look after, which is more then could be said for the other dd.

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