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WWYD DS expecting a trip away with his dad

(4 Posts)
bettiboo Mon 01-Aug-11 20:17:53

but ex has said he'll have him just one night. DS is expecting at least a few days away with his dad. He'll be devastated. He's already tearful everytime he comes back from his dads because his dad obviously has no time for him. I just don't know what to do. I can't stop him seeing him, DS adores him but I also can't bear to see his little face so sad everytime his dad disappoints him. Should I go with the one night or just say no and then not mention anything to my little man.

enprovence Mon 01-Aug-11 23:26:35

Why is he expecting few nights away when his dad has made it clear its for one night? Bit confused by your post. Need a little background info on the situation, how old is your son? How long have u been seperated and have you discussed your issues with your ex, how it hurts you to see your son's poor face when he returns?

Gonzo33 Tue 02-Aug-11 09:45:17

OP, my exh has done this to our ds his whole life (bear in mind I left him when ds was 6mths). Nothing has ever changed. My exh never discusses his plans with me, always through ds. This has always been the case. DS is now 10 and for the main ignores his Dad's tales of what they are going to do together.

Ds seemed to be more affected by it when he was 5/6/7. Since then he has become quite nonchalant by it all. He frequently states that "Dad says we are doing this, bet we don't!" because he knows what he is like. I think this is really sad as ds only see's his father once a year for 2 weeks roughly (exh's choice).

What I will say is I have never stopped contact between ds and his father. I am of the view that the child should be able to make their own mind up when they are ready.

Of course there are many children whose families split amicably where they can make reasonable requests. Mine was not one of them, and my exh and I were never able to discuss things reasonably due to his controlling behaviour. If you can talk about this with your ex sensibly I would try to if you can.

G xx

bettiboo Tue 02-Aug-11 20:15:47

enprovence - sorry but where did I say his dad made it clear it was just for one night? I don't know what his dad said to him because his dad doesn't speak to me. All I can go on is what my DS tells me.

Gonzo, it's very sad isn't it? And, you're absolutely right, my DS has already seen his dad for exactly what he is and it makes me feel very sad. All I wanted was my child to be loved by his father but I have to accept he never will (well not in the way I want him to). I'm hoping all the love I give him is good enough to make him a strong little man.

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