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He left last night!!!!!

(13 Posts)
strictlovingmum Thu 28-Jul-11 18:34:52

After a massive row last night and him under influence of alcohol, he packed his bags and left.
We have argued before but not like this, this is the first time he actually left the house.
I have no idea if he is coming back or not, I am not sure if I want him to come back, I am very confused and worried.
The whole leaving thing which was very dramatic happened in front of DS 16, DD 5 was asleep, and didn't hear thing.
I feel completely lost I cried whole day, but kept hiding from DD, I honestly don't know if there is way forward after this?
I said some terrible things and also said awful things to me, lot of staff came out, from him, very hurtful and very personal in short,
I am a terrible mother, even worst wife etc.
We have a lot of money worries, basically we are broke, and I am very worried about future alone with my children.

mumblechum1 Thu 28-Jul-11 18:37:01

Oh dear, I think the best thing to do is just try not to make any decisions until the dust has settled a bit - maybe suggest to him that you have a few days to think things over and then meet in the middle of next week in a neutral venue? Don't rush into anything would be my advice.

WillIEverBeASizeTen Thu 28-Jul-11 18:43:31

You poor thing, sounds like you are both under a lot of stress. I agree with Mumble, let the dust settle, you are both emotional at the moment.

BTW you are not a terrible wife or mother, lots of things are said in anger.

strictlovingmum Thu 28-Jul-11 18:47:09

We had some good years in among those 15 years of marriage, but last few ones very, very turbulent.
Lot has been happening recently, he made some investments recently, I had serious reservations about some of them, in short we lost a lot of money, but he won't accept any wrong doing, instead he blames me for everything.
I am sick and tired of taking a blame for everything, of supporting him, and sticking with it for the sake of children, but too afraid to end this union for good.

strictlovingmum Thu 28-Jul-11 19:05:01

Thank you all for reading and replying, I also worry about DS who saw the whole thing and cried last night in his room.
He seemed to be OK this morning, he had breakfast, but he did ask lot of questions.
"Will dad be back"?
"Why did he leave"?
"Are we going to be OK"?
All my answers were feeble " I don't know".

slavetomyson Thu 28-Jul-11 19:06:08

Oh god you must be feeling awful. Like mumble said, let the dust settle a bit and really focus on thinking about what YOU want, aside from how you'll cope, that sort of stuff can be worked on later. Being a single mum isn't an easy task by any means, and a lot of people including myself post about the difficulties and lack of support from exes etc, but it's still a whole lot better than staying in a difficult relationship which makes you unhappy. I suggest you have a break for a few days, and during that time make some investigations into how you could cope money wise.. tax credits etc, CAB will be able to advise you on this. You might actually find you don't struggle as much as you think. Personally I am (slightly) better off since my ex has gone (financially) and although things would be hard, they wouldn't be impossible. And of course you may find that you can both work things out anyway after the dust has settled a bit.. Best of luck and you're not alone. Sticking at it for the sake of the children is not going to make you happy. And i'm sure your children would want you to be happy.

mumblechum1 Thu 28-Jul-11 19:07:35

Well the answer to the last question is "yes, eventually". Because either way, things will be sorted out.

It is awful when your children see a big row, I remember DH and I had an absolutely massive barney in the middle of Barcelona railway station in front of ds and about 1000 people. DS was really worried by it (was 14 at the time).

strictlovingmum Thu 28-Jul-11 19:14:30

mumblechum1 that is what's gutting my insides, DS witnessing the whole thing, there was horror on his face, I doubt he will ever forget it.

strictlovingmum Thu 28-Jul-11 19:19:13

Yes slavetomyson that's just it should we end it all, and be better for it, staying in this marriage under these conditions, it's not a option, me gathering all my strength and courage and ending it seems as a only option for us at the moment.

slavetomyson Thu 28-Jul-11 19:27:56

It sounds to me like you know the answer already then. There's only one thing for it.. you'll have to brave it and do what's best for all of you, you can do it, and you won't regret it. Gather as much help and support as you can from friends and family and make a momentus and positive change to your life. One door shuts and another door opens.. admittedly there may be a bit of a tunnel in between but at least you will know that you are moving on with your life and not being prepared to stay miserable any more. Life's too short. It won't be easy but in the long run it will definitely be worth it, if that's what you want.

strictlovingmum Thu 28-Jul-11 19:35:53

That's just it, last night was probably a culmination of not such good years of our marriage, and all the shit that has been brushed under a carpet for so long.
I am not a idealist by nature, and I do understand what what a good marriage evolves into, respect, friendship and some sort of different love, but our marriage did not evolve into any of these things, it stayed stale, and become loveless.
It produced two wonderful children, but that's it.

slavetomyson Thu 28-Jul-11 19:50:20

Good luck and keep us posted. A positive step already by posting on here. I was relieved when my parents got divorced, your son may feel the same. At least you know in your heart what state your marriage is in, and are not in denial, prolonging any agony for yourself and your children.

strictlovingmum Thu 28-Jul-11 20:35:18

Dear slavetomyson I will, and thank you all for lending an ear, I honestly thought I was going to go crazy, with that staff in my head and nowhere to unload.

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