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Hmm single, confused, dramas going on and lonely...

(13 Posts)
extraconfusedhelp Thu 28-Jul-11 17:53:48

The title sums me up. My dd is at her dads tonight, I often feel like I could have a break, then when she goes my house feels empty. I cant be bothered to clean up as dont feel motivated (today not everyday).

Also should be going to the gym tonight but not feeling in the mood.

I have a few men floating in and out of my life, Im wondering if I should bother with them atall hmm.

Recently went on a date with a new guy, thought he seemed nice but now feel unsure, and think I could possibly be looking for the bad in men as I usually seem to get that from them anyway. And I also feel unsure on how to go about all this dating business anyway...

I know ths is a very random thread, but just needed to get it off my cheast... smile

itsnotpossibleisit Thu 28-Jul-11 18:02:53

Hi extraconfusedhelp. I am in the same boat, no with the dating as I cannot be bother at all at the moment. I separated from ExP 3 months ago and even though things where going more or less ok in the last two weeks I've just started feeling like you. I do not have any solution to your problems but I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone even though I know this may not help grin.

Some days I feel exactly like you, do not have the energy to tidy up or clean. Other days when she goes with her dad I am ok but then another day I am missing her so much that I cannot stop crying.

Just keep posting. I have always found a lot of help in here and if you find the secret potion to our problems please share it with me smile

extraconfusedhelp Thu 28-Jul-11 18:07:32

thanks for your reply, and if i do find out how to fix our problem I will defintly let you know smile

slavetomyson Thu 28-Jul-11 18:58:58

You're not alone both of you, I feel exactly the same. On the rare occasions DS goes to the ex I feel I should be doing something, making the most of my spare time but i'm so down in the dumps i've forgotton how to enjoy myself. I feel bad if I don't clean up, and I feel bad if I have cleaned up as I think I should've been doing something more interesting with any spare time I get. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. And as for the dating that's been a disaster. I've been single well over a year now and i'm not having any luck meeting decent men or having any sort of life for me. It's not that I haven't made an effort.. I too have given up on the dating, maybe i'm just not ready, though after all this time, considering I wasn't even in love with my ex, I was hoping cupid might dish me out some good luck. The ex however has had so much new free time he's been able to put so much into a new relationship that they are in the stage of moving in together. Where's the justice..

itsnotpossibleisit Thu 28-Jul-11 19:05:58

slavetomyson. I do not think there is justice at all in any of this. At the end of the day we are left to pick up the pieces when our DC have any problems while (or at least in my case) ExP enjoys single life with friends and going ut and getting drunk which I do not even like doing it anymore. I think however stays with the children will ve the same problem, not enough time for everything. Sometimes we need to compromise and I guess at the moment we are in one of those times where there are other things more important than ourself sad

slavetomyson Thu 28-Jul-11 19:11:04

Yes indeed, totally agree, there doesn't seem to be an end to it, but I suppose time is going to help, at least that's what i'm hoping for. And a bit of sanity when my son starts school. I really feel for people who have 2 or more under 5's and become a single mum, I think i'd end up in a mental asylum.. And there is always the positive thought to cling on to that I no longer have to put up with my ex and his boring, dull personality and the boring dull life I had with him, and the fact I would happily have poked his eyes out whenever he said anything, that's how much he irritated me. So every cloud and all that ha ha

extraconfusedhelp Thu 28-Jul-11 20:06:35

I do feel much better knowing there are others that feel the same.

And to top it all off, dd's dad has been on the phone and texting me tell me he does more then I do hmm and all i do is collect her from school and feed her... he does much more and organises everything... I'm not sure how on earth he has come to this conclusion, as has never ever organised anything for my dd, and only sees her once every 2 weeks normally... also telling me im a slag and a crap mother, and i spoil my dd as i'm a lazy mother... all this coming from the man who hardly sees his daughter... when everyone I know thinks i do a great job with my dd. i wish he would get lost....

extraconfusedhelp Thu 28-Jul-11 20:09:45

ps he is also telling me i leave dd with my mum and sister all the time. I do go for a night out once every 2 weeks, so because he will not have her for sleep overs even when he has the weekend off work she stays at my mums or sisters. also im trying to loose weight so try to go to the gym when I get a chance, so dd will be at my mums for a hour in the evenings sometimes 3 times a week sometimes none, so does that make me a terrible mother??

God I hate him...

aleene Thu 28-Jul-11 20:36:44

I am a bit the same. I have an unexpected night off tonight and instead of enjoying it I am moping about. No motivation to do ironing, tidying etc even though I would feel a lot better if a bit got done. No men around, not even sure where to start on that one.

Extra - sounds like your ex is trying to goad you and I would just ignore him. Don't give him the satisfaction of getting in a argument with him.

itsnotpossibleisit Thu 28-Jul-11 22:07:00

extraconfisedhelp: my experience tell me to be very careful with texts. They do seem to get worse. For sure you are not alone there are plenty like us out there even if we don't see it. At least as slavetomyson has pointed out we do not longer have to cope/deal with our ExP and we can do things the day we want without getting any critisisim. So I guess that even though are having through a didfficult time at the moment we are lucky hmm

WKMum Sun 31-Jul-11 22:45:24

Hi Extraconfusedhelp, you certainly aren't alone: you just described exactly how I feel!

My ex-H left me three months ago and has taken DD on holiday for this past week, which of course I want for her because she wants to see him and will have a lovely time, but I just feel bereft. The house is empty and lonely.

I still can't get over how unfair it is that he can just up-sticks and leave while still getting to play 'happy families' with DD, indulging her every whim, which he can afford to do having only had to pay me a pittance in maintenance, and I no longer can. Added to which I have been forced to sell the family home and can only afford to buy a tiny little cottage that DD says she is 'embarrassed' to bring her friends home to... I could cry!

Sorry for the moan, I've just had rather a bad weekend: I had to go to the wedding of a friend and everyone there were smug marrieds and I was practically the only single person apart from the old people! I was truly happy for my friend, but I felt about the worst I have since becoming an LP - just had this overwhelming sense of loneliness and thinking that I will be on my own for the rest of my days.

To make matters worse, there was a guy at the wedding who I used to date many years ago and who I always had a massive crush on long after he dumped me, and who is recently single again - and he hardly deigned to speak to me - so depressing!

God, life seems just so hard and unfair sometimes...

Big hugs going out to all you lovely LPs who need one!!

itsnotpossibleisit Mon 01-Aug-11 21:12:12

WKMum, I am sorry you are feeling like this. It is really hard. ExP also took DD on holiday last month for the first time. We have been separated for 3 months now and it felt terrible. I was very lucky that all my friends kept me busy and I didn't have any time to think about it. Although when I was talking with her on the phone I could not stop myself crying which was embarassing because it usually happened when I was with my friends.

Being a LP can be very lonely as I have discovered. Last saturday a friend of mine that has been giving me a massive support told me that he is moving down to the south of England. I am very angry with him (nothing going on between us) and I told him that I hated him and that I was very angry with him. Now I really feel stupid because I do not hate him although I am angry with him. He is the only single friend that I have and he has been there since day one and even before. All my other friends have families and are happyly married which makes me think of how unlucky I have been. It was really nice to be able to give him acall when I was feeling vey down and he would come around with some beers and he would listen. Now I will have to deal with things without him even though he said that we can talk on the phone as many time as I need, but it is not the same.

This life is c**p sad. I only hope things start getting better soon for all of us in here who feel so low and down.

Hugs back to you

solidgoldbrass Tue 02-Aug-11 10:30:44

If your XP is sending you nasty texts, save them but do not reply to them: if you have to go to court over anything, evidence of nastiness is always good to have.

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