Internet dating - I just can't push myself to send replies - what's that all about?!?!(6 Posts)
Have joined an internet dating site and am receiving messages, but I just can't bring myself to reply! Several messages from seemingly nice guys and a few from obvious weirdos/wrong uns (I just delete these ones).
I'm a very independant person, but I'm missing company, getting lonely. All my friends are coupled up and when ds goes to his dad's I often wish I had someone IYKWIM. So why can't I reply to these people???? What's wrong with me? I need to sort my head out.
Been single since November 2009 when I split with DS's dad (who was abusive). Have had an on and off friends with benefits situation going on but t doesn't cut it and he's not relationship material despite us both caring about each other a lot.
Maybe you're scared of getting hurt again?
Maybe you're not actually ready yet? Even though perhaps you want to be.
Maybe you're not looking online for the right reasons.
I felt I had to get back out there, but I was no where near ready yet and it was a distaster. I was just really negative to everyone who contacted me.
My advice is don't rush things if you're not 100% sure you're ready yet.
And don't forget -- you don't owe these people anything. You are never obliged to reply to any messages, so don't feel bad about not doing so.
I guess I am wary of getting hurt again gillybean, but at the same time I feel I'm in a stronger position now to start a relationship than I've ever been before. I'm in a good place personally and with ds in a nice house with a garden, I have savings (never had any of these before, I know I can pick myself up from having nothing and build my life back up, I know I am strong and resourceful.
I do worry that I am now too independant to go into a relationship. Can I spare the emotional energy? Am I willing to compromise, and how much?
Also DS has autism and I'm very protective of the thought we/he may be rejected because of this. He takes a lot of time and emotional energy and even I resent that at times. Not ds, the autism. DS is lovely, very quirky and fun but tiring!
I do feel bad TobyLerone, I know I don't owe them anything but I do feel guilty not even replying.
I don't feel I should be seeking a relationship, eg under pressure to, however I don't know if I am happy at the thought of being single until the end of my days either.
Sod 'em! Would you feel obliged to reply to a nutter in the street who came up to you, showered you with compliments and tried to take you out for a drink?
Whowhowhowho, we are in pretty much the same position (my DS also has autism and I think about being rejected because of this), but I guess it's a good filter to find a decent guy (if they actually exist). I'm also on a dating website (POF) and have chatted to many and met up with four. All I would say is don't think too much about it. It's only a date after all. You don't have to get married or even tell them about your DS at this stage, just treat it as meeting new friends and even put that in your profile if you think it will filter out some of the nutters. Admittedly the choice of men isn't that great, and a lot of them are single for a reason, but there's always the chance you could meet someone normal with good intentions such as yourself!! Get chatting to some of them and it could provide you some amusement if nothing else, you don't have to reply if they say something you don't like, just stop messaging them, simple. That's how internet dating seems to work nowadays!! (obviously take all the sensible precautions, but I guess you know that already ie meeting in public places etc.. didn't want to sound patronising, just wanted to avoid critisicm from others) x
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