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You Reap What You Sow.

(2 Posts)
SaggyHairyArse Sat 23-Jul-11 13:21:53

Not sure if anyone will remember but a month or so ago I posted because my STBXH had introduced his girlfriend of two weeks to our children. Not just a gentle introduction but she stays over the weekend from Friday night until Sunday so she is there whenever they visit over the weekend.

Well anyway, for the past two weeks my DD has said she doesn't want to go now. She refused to go on Wednesday night and after some encouragement went yesterday but called me at 10pm to go and get her.

Don't get me wrong, I am sure STBXHs new girlfriend is nice enough but it is too much too soon for the children and DD is having none of it. I would so love to say "I told you so" but won't as i'm not that childish grin

I would like to point out that I do not play games with the children and fuel the fire, I have obviously talked to my DD but have tried to reassure her as I am just not a mind game/using the kids as pawns type of person but there is a teensy bit of me that thinks if he had engaged his brain and put the kids first it could have been a different kettle of fish entirely.

Smum99 Sat 23-Jul-11 14:23:25

I hear you!! I really wish there was a campaign (like we have on healthy eating) that informs parents of the challenges children go through when parents separate. The introduction to a new partner is one of these adjustments and whilst there is guidance from respected child psychologist the parent has to be willing to seek and then subsequently take the advice. Certainly it should be sufficient time so that the DCs get used to their solo parents.

My DSS's mum moved a new partner in straight away, he hated it, for lots of reasons - like the complete change in routine and rules, mum now acting lovesick and soppy to new bf, in front of him which to a teen is vile, having to explain to friends who the 'bloke' sitting on the sofa was! Sadly some people will put their needs ahead of their children but as you say they is a payback for this behaviour - sometimes immediately like in your case or more slowly as with DSS. I just can't relate to why parents choose to do this, seems like, at best extreme lack of empathy or at worse complete disregard for the DCs.

I hope that their relationship can be repaired..DCs ideally do need both (unselfish) parents

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