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Oh God,ds just told me what i really didn't want to hear...

(15 Posts)
privatename Fri 22-Jul-11 21:57:18

when daddy gets a house i want to go and live with him sad

he's 7 next week,i separated from his dad at new year,have found a place for us to live,worked hard to keep things as normal as possible.

His dad has a new partner,they see ds regulary,she has a nice house,her son is my sons best friend at school,he tells me they have loads of toys,a trampoline,bikes,scooters etc...

heartbroken....i've been the best mum i could be to ds,where's the loyalty? sad

NikkiL Fri 22-Jul-11 22:00:27

ah sweetheart. No words. I'm sorry. Sending you a huge hug. You are a great Mum, you've done so much in such a short time. Shiny toys and friends are just temptations. You are his Mother, and nothing will ever ever replace that. Be strong. I'm sorry I can't offer you wiser words. xxx

BelleDameSansMerci Fri 22-Jul-11 22:01:30


It's the familiarity thing - you're obviously doing a good job because he takes you for granted. He knows you'll always be there.

Pleb1969 Fri 22-Jul-11 22:03:16

Don't be too hard on yourself (or him) - he's 7, he doesn't view the world through an adult's eyes. This is a comment made without thinking - he doesn't prefer toys etc to you. The fact that her son is his best friend is obviously a factor - my son told my friend once he wanted to live with her (I didn't take it personally). Don't take it to heart. Hope it all work s out well for you. xx

privatename Fri 22-Jul-11 22:06:35

i feel so shocked and also angry.

flashbacks from right back to when he was born...up in the night feeding...putting his every need first.

and yet,he can just want to leave and live with his dad....

when he told me we were in the car,i just said oh,erm...why's that? because i just do....wouldn't you miss me though? yeah,but you can take me out sometimes...

couldn't say anymore about it after that,i'm worn out with all this,feel like giving up,letting him go,don't want to fight anymore,what's the point sad

hester Fri 22-Jul-11 22:07:08

It's a really normal thing for a 7 year old in his situation to say. It does NOT mean he doesn't love you or isn't loyal to you.

My dd is constantly fantasising that I will die so she can be adopted by her granny/ her teacher/ Ellie's mum. It doesn't mean anything (I hope!).

You've been through a lot this year and you must be feeling very raw. But don't forget that your ds is a tiny boy who has no understanding of how you are feeling or how much you need support - and nor should he. You need love and looking after, as do we all, but he can not be the one to supply it.

All sympathy to you and I really hope things start picking up for you soon.

privatename Fri 22-Jul-11 22:09:06

i know what you are all saying is true,sure i will feel better in the morning.

neverontime Fri 22-Jul-11 22:10:14

Oh privatename i really feel for you. My DS and DD both said something similar last christmas, if its any consolation, they soon changed their mind and are still happily living with me.

privatename Fri 22-Jul-11 22:14:30

thing is i don't think he will change his mind,he idolises his dad,is like a minime of him,not just in looks but in personality too.

His dad is his absolute hero and i'm sure he'd take him from me too,it's impossible and i'm gutted,feels like i've been stabbed through the heart.

newportstateofmind Fri 22-Jul-11 22:21:37

I can remember, as a child, knowing that my aunt and uncle would be my legal guardians in the event of anything happening to my mum and dad, and I remember thinking that it would be so much fun living with them! (And my cousins) It didn't mean that I didn't love my mum and dad though.

I'm sure it is just the novelty of the idea that appeals to your ds. He must feel very secure to say that to you, and he won't have any idea how it makes you feel.

You're doing a great job, try not to let it upset you. x

hester Fri 22-Jul-11 22:31:43

But that's what happens to mothers - we get taken for granted. Children often do hero worship the absent parent, don't they?

i can really understand how hurt you're feeling, but you mustn't lose sight of your son's age and how their little minds work. He does love you; he is not being disloyal. It's really important you get your head round this or there will be years ahead in which your son feels torn between his two parents. He will pick up - even if you don't say it - that you want him to prove his love for you by loving his dad less, and that is not a place you want to go.

Try to focus instead on what you can do, right now, to make yourself feel better. You sound really low and that - not your son - is the big issue here.

privatename Fri 22-Jul-11 22:53:01

i am low,probably just tired,got 5 kids in total,3 live with me,2 grown up,it's been a hard few weeks,finding out about my stbxh's relationship with a mum from school (who was my friend) all the gossip going on at school because of it,trying to lay low....i'm too old for dramas!!

hester Fri 22-Jul-11 22:56:45

Oh, poor you, that is awful. I'm so sorry you're going through this sad

danniclare Fri 22-Jul-11 22:59:39

He is comparing playtime with routine.

blackeyedsusan Fri 22-Jul-11 23:03:53

he wants to live with dad because he does fun things with dad. the novelty woiuld soon wear off if dad was doing all the school runs and day to day boring stuff. plan a really good day out to the park in the garden playing football or whatever... i find that sometimes all I seem to be doing is washing/cleaning /cooking and hardly any play. (not saying you don't play but it seems to make me feel better)

oh and chocolate helps in moderation.

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