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the absent father returns- best option for stress free contact?

(3 Posts)
jbabyj Wed 20-Jul-11 21:17:16

so my ex is coming back from a 4 month trip to italy and wants to see ds whois 2, i have never stopped him from seeing ds and even lethim have him at my house when he had no place of his own and he eventually lived here for 1 month so he wasnt on the street.(he is an alcoholic)i have decided after abusive messages that he will not be welcome in my house when he returns next month and just want a stree free solution so ds can see his dad without arguments and fuss and in a way ds can be safe and happy not hanging round town for hours if his dad has nowhere to go with him. i dont want to actively stop contact but wondering if supervised access might be the best option? i have been doing a good job on my own and want as little disruption to our lives as possible. not him coming back making demands and putting controls on my life,(he has not paid a penny towards ds for about 8 months) any advice? alot of background to the story i have tried to keep it short.

gillybean2 Thu 21-Jul-11 07:07:12

Look up what contact centres are near you and find out from them how to get a place. Explain you are concerned about your ex coming to you house and don't want to be present or involved in contact/handovers again and that he was an alcoholic and you have no reaon to think that has changed. It may be that there is a long wait so get in early and get the info ready to give him on his return.

If your ex is serious about seeing your ds he will go along with the contact centre option.

Write a letter setting out what contact will be - at the contact centre, how often, days and time etc.
Do you have any friends or family close by who can support you by taking ds to and from the contact and supervising it once he finds his own place?

Look at other options of places he could go to spend an hour or so with ds once contact is re-established and you feel that ds will be safe and cared for- library, soft play centre, playgroup etc

jbabyj Thu 21-Jul-11 18:49:06

thank you. do you know if social services have to be involved if i decide to go through a contact centre? would rather avoid that if possible, i have made it too easy for him in the past so will see how it goes when its on my terms and not his.

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