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How do you cope with the loneliness at weekends when everyone is with their families?

(8 Posts)
Notalone Sun 17-Jul-11 14:14:45

I ended my relationship with DP a few months ago and we share custody of DS who is almost 10. He is getting to the age now where he prefers to be out playing with his friends most of the time which is fine and is what I would expect. I imagined the weeks I didn't have him I would be a free agent but I am actually incredibly lonely. I don't know a huge amount of people where I live and most of the people I do know have DC's and partners. Weekends are therefore family times for them which is how it used to be for me when DS was smaller. I have started seeing a new man who is lovely but I am not going to introduce DS to him just yet. He sees his own DC's every weekend and once during the weekd which has been an is a long term arrangement and we organise our time around when we don't have our DC's

So the question really is how do you cope when you feel alone at weekends? I have just graduated from uni and am looking for work which makes things worse I think because I have too much time to worry and think. I can't find a new cheaper house to live in which I need to do urgently and I think I am sinking emotionally. I have found myself really pining for my new man at weekends and during the week I have custody of my DS because apart from him, I sometimes feel like I am really alone. I know my friends have their own lives and I do see people in the week, but no-one else is really a constant. I probably see a handful of people but I see each of them probably once every few weeks if that makes sense. I don't want to be in the unhealthy position of feeling really emotionally dependent on one person and in particular not a new partner no matter how lovely he is. How do I cope with this? What do you do when you find yourself alone a lot? I used to really enjoy my own company but now I find myself feeling tearful a lot and don't know what to do. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Sun 17-Jul-11 16:34:06

Well, it does of course depend where you live and whether you drive.

Have you thought about joining the gym or the local ramblers group. Could you get a dog - would that be an option?

What about voluntary work, going to church (lots of social things happen at church) or getting a part time job in a nice pub or restaurant,

I think part of your problem is that your struggling to get a job and hopefully when you eventually do things will improve.

Whereabouts do you live, we have a few nice friendship/social groups where I am and it's only a small town that I live in.

What do you enjoy doing.

What about the local WI!!!! Some of them are quite trendy groups these days (not my local one though, sadly)

Notalone Sun 17-Jul-11 19:55:19

Hey Notsuch. I am in South Yorkshire but there does not seem to be much going on here right now. I have a dog who unfortunately hates most other dogs so I spend most of my time when out with him either trying to stop him growling at other dogs or apologising for his feisty behaviour! I also do voluntary work a couple of days a week but they are well known for being an unfriendly bunch where I work. I get on well with all of them but am under no illusion I will make bosom buddies there. However I do think the same - once I get a job things will be a lot better. For now I just need to focus on taking each day as it comes but it is so bloody hard sometimes. sad

SuePurblybilt Sun 17-Jul-11 20:01:58

In a way you're lucky - you can do things as an adult if DS is of an age where he doesn't need to be brought along for the ride. I find, like a lot of LP, that everything grinds to a halt at the weekends but if you're looking for activities for just you, that opens so many more doors.

I sympathise as I'm in a similar position, just finished the degree and I feel like I don't have a single 'constant' in my life to work from - everything is up in the air. If it's similar for you then I'd suggest trying not to worry until you have one 'sorted' thing, prolly a job from what you've said, and then worry about everything else slotting into place.

There is a group for socialising as a single but I cannot think of the name........

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Sun 17-Jul-11 20:43:57

Spice?

cestlavielife Sun 17-Jul-11 21:07:58

there are things like cycle groups eg www.goskyride.com/Bradford cappuccinoclub.co.uk/
look up in yur area
ramblers as was said

www.yrc.org.uk/

www.ramblingclubs.com/rambling.php

or a saturday job in a pub etc
anything that gets you out on a weekend...

what did you do socially at uni?

maybe tme toi start a new hobby even if you didnt have one before - yunger people at thigns like cycling rock climbing cycling as well as older ones !

Steeplearningcurve Sun 17-Jul-11 21:57:45

I joined Spice when I moved to a new city. People were generally very friendly and there is a good mix of types of activities on offer, including some which are good value. I'd recommend the crafty type activities if you're into that sort of thing as they are good for breaking the ice!

Notalone Tue 19-Jul-11 21:02:51

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I think once I find a job I will definitely be a lot better. I feel ok when I am doing voluntary work most of the time. It is when I am alone at home that I usually feel bad. Like Sue said everything is up in the air and I am the type of person who likes to know what I am doing.

I am not particularly sporty but have had a quick look at spice and it looks good! Rambling might be an option too. I saw a friend today who had similar opinions about getting a hobby so I think I will get my thinking cap on and consider what I would like to do just for ME!!

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