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XP suddenly wants to see DS after 3-4 months of no contact

(5 Posts)
BertieBotts Sat 16-Jul-11 14:00:52

I don't want to stop him having contact, but I'm furious that he's left it so long and then expects just to swan back in like nothing has changed. DS is 2.9 and stopped asking about him a while ago, and never talks about him any more, I'm not sure how he will react. XP used to take him out for 5 hours, but I don't know whether he will be upset by this. When we split he was 13 months and contact started off with my mum taking him to see XP for a couple of hours at a time, every day at first, then he took him out on his own, but again for a couple of hours, a few days a week. After a few weeks we settled on this 5 hours saturday, 5 hours sunday arrangement. Then he was really flaky about it and used to cancel at the last minute all the time.

I'm going to talk to DS and see how he reacts to the idea, but I'm not sure what to say to XP - do I go straight for the arrangement we had before, or should I try to build up contact slowly again? I definitely don't want XP coming into the house but I would consider meeting in a public place until DS got used to him again, as long as this was temporary.

BertieBotts Sat 16-Jul-11 14:53:11

bump

jugglingmug Sat 16-Jul-11 16:15:33

I think the plan to meet in public a few times is a good one. I dont see much point in talking to DS...at 2.9 he's not old enough to make (or be asked to make) decisions on who he will or will not see. Give ex a chance, for your sons sake, and see how it goes. Better to keep things amicable as you can.

mrscolour Sat 16-Jul-11 17:38:25

Probably a good idea to talk to ds about daddy to rejig his memory but I suppose at 2.9 he's a bit young to say what he wants.

Suggest building up contact slowly again and see if ex reacts. He needs to realise that he can't just walk in and out, having a child is a commitment.

littlemisssarcastic Sun 17-Jul-11 21:58:50

I think I'd be inclined to meet in a public place until your DS has got used to him again, as you have suggested.
I'm sure your DS will feel a lot more secure if you are there. That's the important thing.
Mind you, I'm in the same position, only my XP hasn't got in contact again yet, and there is a court order in place, so technically, if he does contact me wanting to see DD, so long as it's the right weekend (every other weekend contact) I am supposed to wave DD off from Saturday morning until Sunday night, even though she hasn't seen XP for 3 months now and counting.
I think I'd rather meet in a public place to slowly build up contact.
Do you think your XP is likely to continue being flaky? Or is there a chance he has pulled himself together?

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