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Help wanted. DS (7) doesnt want contact with dad

(3 Posts)
fallenninja Sat 16-Jul-11 13:06:20

So history ....

My DS (7) hasnt seen his dad now since last year. This was because I was attending contact and then I had a breakdown and just couldnt go anymore. Ex requested that he turn up at my home and collect DS. I agreed on the basis that I wouldnt be there, that my mum would do the handover. He tried, DS got horribly distressed. Locked himself in the cupboard under the stairs! Mum said that she thought it was best left before it got too negative for DS. Ex punched my mum. Then his partner dragged him away. The next week my (6ft rugby playing younger brother) was there. Ex would not come in the door, left without DS shouting abuse. Didnt come again. Back in court in Mar. Judge suggested contact centre. Ex refused. Wanted final contested hearing. Judge said disappointed but if he wanted a hearing he could have a hearing. Requested additional CAFCASS report, ordered to file statements.
Ok so I have filed my statement, (not received exs), waiting for CAFCASS to come and do whatever it is they are going to do.

historical history ...
Ex has been emotionally abusive to DS -calls him names, locked him out the house as punishment. He was pulled on this by CAFCASS, and signed an undertaking not to do it again. However DS has been so upset by this he just cant seem to get past it. He refuses to go without me, having complete meltdowns. Of the 4 contacts CAFCASS oversaw last year she got him to go for 1. The other times he was so distressed she had to abandon it. They acknowledged in their report that he didnt want contact, but as dad has agreed to change his behaviour, they believe that at the moment short term distress will outweigh long term benefits.

DS is having counselling via CAHMS and apparently does not have his dad in his family picture, nor does he mention his dad at all, other than unless questioned directly where he responds that he doesnt want to go without mummy.

In my statement I have asked for a family support worked or guardian.

However im now worrying we might not get one. Does anyone have any ideas about other things I can suggest we try?

GypsyMoth Sat 16-Jul-11 14:05:13

Maybe some indirect contact?

Will he email dad?
Speak on the phone?
Dad could send him items through post?

fallenninja Sat 16-Jul-11 14:28:23

See ive have thought about that, but DS wont speak to him on the phone. I suggested ex just ring and say hi, but he wants a conversation. I literally have ended up chasing DS around the house with a phone. Ex was supposed to email him, but tried once, DS didnt reply within 24 hours so he didnt bother again. Ive thought about trying to push DS into emailing, but I dont know if that will do more harm than good.
Do i need a web cam for skype? Dont really know much about it. Ive got a really old computer and webcam makes it freeze, but DS is getting a laptop for his birthday so its a possible for then. Not sure how fixed times would work though. Almost need DS to be playing on the computer and then an adhoc thing, but thats difficult to fo i think.

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