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is there anything i can do about getting my baby's dad seeing his son more

(9 Posts)
shypixie Fri 15-Jul-11 15:51:38

my ex left me when i was 4 months pregy and stated that he didnt want any interest in the baby till it was a year, he has been seeing my son randomly shince he was born, my son is now 10 months and everytime i get to the door of my ex's place my son clings to me for dear life. my son always crys as im leaving but it is starting to get sooner and sooner and the most resent visit he only just left my arms when he started crying. i dont see any evidence that his dad is lookin after him and ex inlaws are always around and baby goes to gran and when pick him up he is with grandad asleep. i am always told the baby cryed for 1st 30 mins (*he is with dad for bout 2-4 hours once every3 weeks*) and asleep for 30 mins, he is feed for 30 mins but i have doubts about the crying. i would prefer to stop dad seeing my son as it is not doin him any good seeing his dad.

chattymitchy Fri 15-Jul-11 17:26:32

Hi shy pixie I was in a similar situation to yours. you need to keep contact supervised at your place, or a place you choose. Tell your ex if he wants to have unsupervised contact he needs to commit to coming more often and more consistently. That's what I told my ex, in fact I got a solicitor to tell him. The courts will agree with you (my ex argued the point and took me to court but didn't get unsupervised). Your son is still very very young and needs a chance to form a bond/attachment with your ex. ideally with young children a visit every couple of days, but minimum weekly is what is needed so that they can develop some sort of relationship with the father.

jbabyj Fri 15-Jul-11 20:18:26

i agree with chatty, get an order for more regular and consistent contact which would be so much better for such a young child. his dad might find it too much responsibility/effort to keep it up for long anyway as he doesnt exactly sound commited

littlemisssarcastic Fri 15-Jul-11 22:40:58

Agree with ChattyMitchy
Your DS needs to see his father much more than once every 3 weeks imvho

gillybean2 Sat 16-Jul-11 08:41:50

No there's nothing you can do to make your ex see his ds more often, unless he wants it.

I would hazzard a guess that your ex isn't really that keen, but his parents are. And that he is totally at a loss an dhis parents are stepping in for him.

On the one hand it is great that your ds is having a relationship with his paternal grandparents, and I don't think you shouls stop that. But I think you need to be clear with them that that is what is is and that you know they are caring for your ds rather than his dad doing it.

So speak to them and ask them to visit more often. If they don't live far away it may be good for them to see your ds once a week, take him to the park etc. Hopefully your ds will be happier in their company then and enjoy his visits more.

I think you have to accept that, unless he wants to and is prepared to learn, your ex won't be the kind of dad you hoped for for your ds. He may come round in time when he gets a new girlfriend he wants to impress. SO try to make things as easy as possible for your ds when he does see his dad.

Build that relationship with his grandparents. In time hopefully it means your ex will also see more of your ds.

shypixie Sun 17-Jul-11 20:55:14

thanks guys does it cost a lot to get a order, as think im goin to need to get someone else to tell the dad he doesnt exactly listen much to what i have to say. i would talk to parental grandparents but i get told one thing from dad and everyone else gets told something else think court order is best.

gillybean2 Mon 18-Jul-11 06:55:16

A court oder can't be inforced if your ex doesn't want to see his ds more. It will be a waste of your time, energy and money. It can be very stressful and drag on for months and years.
Side step your ex and start talking to his parents. More that likley they aren't going to say anything bad about their son, no matter what they think privately, but your ds also have a right to a relationship with his extended family.

If you go to court what is it you want the judge to say?
Court tries to get you to mediation and to come to an agreement. DOesn't sound much like your ex will even turn up to be honest. NOthing teh court can do about that either...

bbbbob Mon 18-Jul-11 07:18:36

shypixie, I too was in your position. I saw my solicitor and as other people have said you can't force someone to see their child.
Sorry you're going through this.

shypixie Thu 21-Jul-11 22:18:23

thanks guys my mum is goin to try his mum as they were close before this all happened. i dont no i just want my baby to have perfect relationship (i no its not goin to happen) i just wish he would see baby once a week or not at all (i no over acting)

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