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Should i termiante contact for good with ex and his mum?

(7 Posts)
ladymystikal Mon 11-Jul-11 12:01:57

Hi everyone.
This is my first post, so i hope i explain everything clearly!

I have a 3yr old daughter and have known my ex for about 5 years. During our relationship i experienced emotional and physical abuse, ranging from slapping to choking.

My ex got convicted last May of battery against me, however he got let off prison and got a suspended sentence instead . I also had to deal with SS getting involved, as the rare times i called the police were obviously noted and passed on to them. So for nearly a year i heard nothing from him. He later told me he used that time for 'himself'- obviously meeting girls, moving to london to party, dealing drugs. And not ONCE did he try and find out about my DD. His mum(who obviously took his side ) never phoned to ask about her granddaughter, and he didnt even arrange contact through her, but when he did randomly show up a yr later i did allow him to see her.

So latest is, he got a 6 week prison sentence for drug posession(good ol' karma!)but decided to leave me a gift of nasty, abusive voicemails before he went. Now a month ago he came to see my DD at 05.30, i was still angry but still was pleasant and we arranged for him to see her later that day. However I genuinely missed his calls while i was driving, but when i called him back he ignored me and thats the last we've heard of him for a month now.

I feel so much anger towards his mum, who i used to like and get on due to the the fact she took his side even though she knows what he's like. And im sick of him coming in and out of my DD life when it suits him. Any advice please would be great!

cestlavielife Mon 11-Jul-11 12:25:10

jsut ignore him.

your dd hasnt seen him for however long.

contact only by email.

if he wants contact offer a contact centre

ladymystikal Mon 11-Jul-11 13:06:05

I doubt he will... after he got convicted i told his mum SS said about a contact centre, and she started saying how hard it'd be on him, blah, blah
boo- bloody- hoo.

Loobyloo1902 Mon 11-Jul-11 19:49:43

He sounds like a charmer! I agree with Cestlavie but might add that he sounds toxic and so does his mum. You on the other hand, sound as though you're doing a super job so congratulate yourself and feel sorry for these two that they are missing out on such a precious event. The anger will no doubt dissipate, i6t's just one of those things you got to work through.
Hugs x

aurorastargazer Mon 11-Jul-11 20:57:37

ladymystikal first of all i agree that you are doing a brilliant job in difficult circumstances. i would cut contact with his mother and go through a solicitor if you can. most offer a free half hour and there is no obligation to tkae up their services if you don't like them, find one you can get on with and they do a great job, do not settle for one who is too soft.

i also agree about contact only via email. that way you have a record and no abusive ex to block up your phone.

as for seeing dd at half 5 in the morning - shock

ladymystikal Wed 13-Jul-11 08:20:37

thank you loobyloo and aurora
its nice to feel im doing something right smile. im so busy working full time that the thought of trying to get into the minefield of solicitors etc, doesnt fill me with joy! but if he does randomly pop up again i will have to bite the bullet and get legal aid

woollyideas Wed 13-Jul-11 08:32:54

Lady, Another person here who thinks you're doing a brilliant parenting job in difficult circumstances and that you should restrict contact to email only.

I feel like I'm always promoting them, but I would suggest you contact the lone parent organisation, Gingerbread, who are an absolutely fantastic source of free information and support.

I had a 'complicated' issue relating to my DD's father some years ago and they put me in touch with a legal organisation that specialised in these matters and charged nothing. They were fantastic and helped me to see the wood through the trees, if you know what I mean!

Good luck.

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