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Feeling sad for my beautiful dd

(20 Posts)
FeelingOld Thu 07-Jul-11 23:59:56

Am sat here now waiting for my lovely dd to come home from her prom.
She has gone with 5 of her best friends (lovely group of girls who have been friends for a very long time), they all looked stunning. We all got together so girls could travel to the prom together and we all took lots of photos but all of her friends had their mum and dad there (and the dads looking so proud of their dauthers ) having pics taken with their dds but my dd had just me, her dad has absolutely no interest in her (another story all together, his wife hates dd and his wife comes first so they have cut her out of their lives!)

I feel quite sad that my dd looked so beautiful and grown up this evening and only had me there to tell her this (well ds was there too, he is 11 and he told her how lovely she looked!!).

How can her dad miss yet another milestone in her life?
DD handles all of this so gracefully and i am so proud of her.

GypsyMoth Fri 08-Jul-11 00:03:06

That was me last year! Heartbreaking.

BelleDameSansMerci Fri 08-Jul-11 00:06:18

And I have all this to come...

I hope she had a lovely time and that she's ok or not bothered by her dad not being there. x

FeelingOld Fri 08-Jul-11 00:08:59

It is heartbreaking, he has no idea what an intelligent, beautiful, funny daughter he has.

GypsyMoth Fri 08-Jul-11 00:11:34

No, my dc dad hasn't either. Times like this makes you so sad for them. Driving lessons looming here..... no dad to help with this either. I have fond memories of learning basics with my own dad.

FeelingOld Fri 08-Jul-11 00:12:40

She always says she isnt bothered, if he doesnt care about her why should she care about him. But i can tell that on occasions like this she feels it a little.
She should be home any minute now and i cant wait to find out how it went.

VioletV Fri 08-Jul-11 00:13:16

I bet she doesn't even think about it. I bet she's thinking how lovely she looks and thanks mum for getting me such a wicked dress...

FeelingOld Fri 08-Jul-11 00:15:59

Oh dd is only 16 but we were talking about driving lessons the other day and she was asking if i would take here out when she is old enough. I too remember doing this with my dad many moons ago!!

FeelingOld Fri 08-Jul-11 00:17:28

Violet - You might be right, she looked so happy. I think its me thats feeling sad on her behalf.

lifeshock Fri 08-Jul-11 09:15:03

I think as single parents we all carry a lot of guilt towards our children about their fathers not being a big part of their life anymore. Don't know why we feel guilty when it should be the absent parent.
Sometimes I wake up in the mornings and feel so sad for my kids that they hardly see their dad anymore. I feel guilty picking him for a father.
I really think the OP is right though you tie yourself in knots feeling bad for them when half the time the kids aren't really that bothered anymore.
I remember when I was a kid and my dad left, I sort of hardened my heart to him and I think that is what most teenagers do.
I also think that we are the lucky ones you and your daughter will always be incredibly close. I think the resident single parent always has that bond because your kids see all you do for them and grow up to respect that.
My mum bought me up by herself and we couldn't be closer now.

cestlavielife Fri 08-Jul-11 09:53:39

one way is to think how will your dd tell her life story when she is on desert island discs/this is your life/other chat show ?? - what will she say about her childhood - ??

it could be - "my dad left us and wasnt invovled but i had a fantastic childhood, my mum was always there for me for the good and bad times and i didnt suffer at all from dad not being around" .

FeelingOld Fri 08-Jul-11 12:53:13

cestlavielife - I think if she told her story you would be right, she has lots of fantastic people in her life and maybe if her dad had not left us when she was 3 these people would not have got so involved. Her godfather has been there for her and i think always will be. She has had some wonderful experiences as i have always tried my best to let her do all she can.
I think i just feel sad that her dad has missed out on so much (was a 'weekend dad' for a few years til he met his now wife) and i think how heartbroken i would be if i had not been there for her first day at school, christmas concerts, choosing her gcse options etc.

lifeshock - I do carry a lot of guilt about who i 'chose' to be her dad,even though it was him who had an affair and left us.

FeelingOld Fri 08-Jul-11 12:56:49

Oh and should just add she had the most fantastic time last night. She was just so happy when she came home and thanked me for buying her very expensive lovely dress.

cestlavielife Fri 08-Jul-11 13:45:03

why would you feel sad for her dad? he made his choices

VioletV Fri 08-Jul-11 13:50:39

OP told you so lol! Pleased she had a good prom.

divorcedrama37 Fri 08-Jul-11 15:04:58

I agree with all the comments, its his loss and one day he will have regrets. You sound like yuo are doing a marvelous job with your daughter and I salute you! She will know this all her life too. Don't feel guilty, feel sorry for him in all that he is missing out on!

SirGin Fri 08-Jul-11 16:41:34


Useless dad not being there perhaps makes your DD appreciate the fact that you are there all the more.

Loobyloo1902 Fri 08-Jul-11 23:58:42

I agree with all of the above; he is missing out on the wonderful moments, if I was a more charitable soul, I'd feel sorry for him.

pictish Sat 09-Jul-11 00:00:35

I think you would have been more than enough for your lovely daughter x

berkshirefem Mon 11-Jul-11 17:28:03

Seems to me that you're doing a good enough job for two parents!

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