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wedding and dp's ex

(2 Posts)
ingy107 Wed 06-Jul-11 16:55:49

I met dp shortly after his ex kicked him out. I had nothing to do with it, even though i have been accused of ripping a family apart, I didn't even know him when they were together. I expected some hostility in the beginning as dp's ex wanted to give it another go after we got together. I didn't expect the hostility to last for 3yrs. I have tried so hard not to get involved with their arguments but it always ends up being "because of that b**ch"(me being that b**ch) I have never spoken a word to dp's ex as i strongly feel she would entice me into a argument.
We have now booked our wedding for next year and dp's ex is grilling everyone (even dp's ds) about where and when. I'm worried that either she will turn up and try and cause a scene or she won't allow his ds to attend. I cannot blame her for all their arguments as dp can be stupidly stubborn but i feel like she is trying to go out of her way to cause us problems, nothing can get sorted out without a fight.
I could really do with some advice on how to deal with this. I don't want to think of her as a b**ch just because she is 'the ex', i need someone to try and help me see it from her pov

gillybean2 Wed 06-Jul-11 17:23:06

well she's possibly blaming you for their not getting back together. After all if you hadn't shown up they most likely would have in her mind

Why haven't you spoken to her ever up till now? Yes she probably is spoiling for a big fight and maybe you need to accept that she needs to rant and rave to get that out of her system before she (and you all) can move on from this.

Have you considered the possibility of family mediation where you can all get together and discuss how you feel. If you do try this be prepared for the first couple of sessions to be her ranting and raving and getting it all out. She's been bottling up her anger to you for 3 years now after all. After that, when she sees that you are a normal person, she may start to calm down a bit. On the other hand she may not.
But doing nothing isn't going to change anything. I guess it all depends if you're wanting anything to change or not.

You'll never come to any kind of understanding or acceptance between you unless you start to communicate.

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