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Rant about DS's father and his boss

(14 Posts)
dontwantanickname Mon 04-Jul-11 09:16:00

just need to get this off my chest

I have been trying to get maintenance payments for my children for several years. Their father works. I don't know his address so I gave the CSA his work address. I have just spoken again to the CSA (again) and they said the letters they sent have been returned to them saying that he doesn't work there. (i see him standing outside there in his work uniform, having his 'fag break' regularly (last time was last week)

So as well as refusing to contribute toward his children's upbringing he has got his boss to lie about him working there. I explained all this to the CSA and have given them the Head office address so hopefully things will move forward. I am just disgusted that he would go to such lengths to avoid paying....and also that his boss is prepared to do it knowing that he could get in serious trouble for it (his boss has DC that he lives with)

what annoys me the most is that i've given him plenty of opportunity and time to make a maintenance arrangement before asking the CSA to step in.

The only time I managed to get some money for the DS's was via an attachment to earnings through the CSA, at which he promptly moved to the other side of the world for a year telling the DS's i was taking all his money (£15 a week which would have been less if he had told the CSA his earnings rather than refusing to divulge the info) He also tells the DSs that he 'loves them and misses them soooooo much and that he doesn't have the privilege of seeing them often-he does -he just cba to stick to a contact arrangement lest it interferes with his busy social life. I have never stopped him from seeing them or even slated him to them but he tells them I wont let them see him and that i've poisoned them against him. I have actively encouraged their relationship and have bent over backward to make it easier for him to see them.

ok rant over. going to stop myself thinking about it now and get on with my life. If you have read it thanks for listening to me

LeoTheLateBloomer Mon 04-Jul-11 09:32:51

I'm afraid I have nothing helpful to say except that I can completely understand and sympathise with your position.

It maddens me that we basically have to be nice and play ball with our exes just to get a few scraps from them.

I want to rant at my ex about the money that comes my way when I know he's earning enough to double what he pays, but I can't because then it's me being unreasonable.

The temptation is to withold access until they pay up but we can't be seen to be petty.

angry on your behalf sad

dontwantanickname Mon 04-Jul-11 09:43:53

awww thank you its a such a crap situation isn;t it all we can do is keep on being there for our kids and setting a good example. Hard not to get cross.

slug Mon 04-Jul-11 10:15:53

If I were in an evil mood I would contact Inland Revenue and report the boss for employing your ex under the table. Take a few photos of your es in his work uniform for evidence and innocently ask why, if it's obvious he's working there, is the company denying all knowledge? Are they paying his PAYE and NI either?

<<whistles innocently>>

LeoTheLateBloomer Mon 04-Jul-11 10:17:00

I like you style slug wink

Not sure I'd have the nerve though... <wimp>

LeoTheLateBloomer Mon 04-Jul-11 10:17:10


dontwantanickname Mon 04-Jul-11 12:55:49

good idea and actually the CSA, a few years ago , suggested I hire a private investigator as its clear he was 'living above his declared income' i didn't because i was/am skint but believe me if i had the cash I would!

think i might see if any friends would consider taking some snaps. hopefully passing it over to his employers head office should be enough, the woman i spoke to at the head office sounded very interested to hear his boss had lied about him working there- although she could not tell me whether he was still working there or not-from her tone it seemed to me that the 'computer said yes'

chubbasmum Mon 04-Jul-11 22:11:53

i agree with Slug take pictures but i suggest you dont go on your own i was in a similar situation i followed the low life i was sweating all over and shaking how i didnt get caught i dont know. Unfortunately CSA sat on the information for 3 years i was mega p...... off last month -okay after a glass or two of red i went straight to the Complaints commission and guess what he went from unemployed to employed to paying within a space of a month smile so good luck OP

dontwantanickname Tue 05-Jul-11 08:38:16

really? how do i contact the complaints commission?

i would not do it myself (taking photos) he would probably attack me, and just the thought of him makes me shake.

it took the CSA 8 years to get any money off him in my Ds's case. I was phoning them every month for 8 years. they were so useless! eventually they realised that the person dealing with my claim had left and no one had taken it over.I phoned them again to start a new claim 6 months after he moved back from abroad, that was 18 months ago and they just keep telling me to wait my turn.They have it on record that he is a 'repeat offender' as they put it themselves.

I think its unlikely the boys will get any money from their dad, he will quit his job and in his own words 'would rather go to prison than give me any money' twunt.

trinni Tue 05-Jul-11 18:39:39

You have my empathy too. I have a similar situation going on here!

I too would be more than interested to know how you contact the Complaints Commission?

chubbasmum Tue 05-Jul-11 21:02:27

i found out through my MP and be persistant (and yet polite) it was worth persuing it this way because the CSA gave me no choice . make sure you start keeping dates and names of when and whom you speak to when you ring the CSA.

good luck

chubbasmum Tue 05-Jul-11 21:23:34

Dontwantanickname its not too late go through your MP and put in a complaint against the CSA, basically everytime i rang them they gave me same excuses as yours - your caseworker left-computers are down - we are still making some calculations.

Google complaints against the CSA there are some case histories, they do have more powers than you think its just how to go about it , remember we voted for these MPs to help us

dontwantanickname Tue 05-Jul-11 21:31:40

thanks i will do some research and also will write to my MP and yes I am going to report his boss to the inland revenue.

off subject here but need to tell someone how i feel....... am somewhat peeved as a birthday card arrived for DS1 today from their dad- a few days late of course- and it had a lame joke with 'f*cking B*stard as part of the punchline. DS turned 13 last week.

I would be annoyed if anyone had sent this card, but i am doubly annoyed that his dad, who thinks he is a 'great dad' thinks it is appropriate. wondering if he has done it to try to annoy me.

chubbasmum Tue 05-Jul-11 22:08:52

OMG that is sick he is just showing his kids what kind of a person he is -down right idiot

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