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At what point did you realise you really were on your own?

(35 Posts)
LeoTheLateBloomer Sun 03-Jul-11 19:44:10

DD just threw up everywhere. And I mean everywhere; in her bed, all over herself (including hair), me and the floor (including 3 rugs).

I've been on my own for 2 months and it's the first time I really thought "Shit. There's absolutely no one to come and give me a hand with this."

Did anyone else have a moment like this?

(BTW this is the first time she's ever been properly sick. I'm proud to say I managed to deal with it all without stressing about it and she's now back in a clean bed fast asleep. Who needs a man anyway?! grin)

humptydidit Sun 03-Jul-11 20:00:20

leo I have quite a lot of moments like this, where it hits me that there's nobody to back me up/take up the slack/watch the kids for 10 mins while I chill in the bath etc...

I have been single 6 months and still find this hard to deal with. I find myself wanting to shout out loud "it's alright for you, you feckless bastard. You're alright mate, but here I am up to my armpits in vomit!!!"

I left him and it doesn't seem to make it any easier!!!


Marjoriew Sun 03-Jul-11 20:21:19

When I told my 7 kids I was divorcing their father, and one of the girls asked ''Does that mean we can have turns having the chicken legs on Sunday dinner,mummy?'' [Ex used to have both to the annoyance of everyone else].
I felt a big weight lifting off my shoulders, took them all to the Wimpy Bar and bought them all ice cream.

I hope it gets better for you LeoTheLateBloomer and leo.grin

BelleDameSansMerci Sun 03-Jul-11 20:26:34

When I gave birth - just me, the midwife and DD... And it was fabulous grin

TitsalinaBumSquash Sun 03-Jul-11 20:28:30

Quite recently actually, been on my own since Jan. I got quite ill quite quickly, really needed to go to hospital but had both boys. I sat it out in the end and luckily was ok but I felt so alone. sad

MavisEnderby Sun 03-Jul-11 20:29:56

When,8 months after dps death,ds had a total meltdown and sobbed "I want DADDY" from the bottom of his little heart and was inconsolable for 2 hourssad

Hes ok now thoughsmile

LeoTheLateBloomer Sun 03-Jul-11 20:33:33

Oh Mavis that's hard sad, I'm sorry.

yetama Sun 03-Jul-11 20:35:52

While living with XP and I had to go to the hospital with DD. He dropped us of and went to work. He couldn't stay because he had to go to work hmm. DD was very sick and he couldn't be bother staying in hospital with me and DD. We separated 1 month after that incident although it was not the first time that I had to go to emergency with DD without him even on a sunday that he was in the house (too tired to drive angry).

Being on my own for two months now and I guess that I will have similar situations like the one before in the future but I will have experience on doing it all by myself smile

MavisEnderby Sun 03-Jul-11 20:37:10

No need to be sorry.I had been in a sort of "Going through the motions" fog and it kind of woke me up,they both needed me.Was awful but in some ways good,he had been "too calm" really.Gave me a bit of a kick up the arse!

brightwell Sun 03-Jul-11 20:37:15

when dc were 5 & 2....I'd been a lone parent for 5 months at that point, was living in a different town with no family close by. Very ill & told by GP if my temperature didn't come down in the next 3 hours I would have to be admitted to hospital for surgery.....ex-h was in dubai with ow!! Thankfully, like TitsalinaBumSquash, I was able to avoid hospital admission, no idea what would have happened otherwise.

MavisEnderby Sun 03-Jul-11 20:40:37

Its a worry,isn't it?If you got so ill you needed to be hospitalised.dps live away but have fil/mil and bil/sil near and am sure dps would drop everything but still a worry.

BertieBotts Sun 03-Jul-11 21:00:28

I don't think I ever did have a realisation like that, because that's the way it always was even when I was with XP. I had a sort of opposite realisation when DP stayed with me the other week, sort of "OMG! I can run to the shop without taking DS/go for a shower in the middle of the day/etc etc".

molemesseskilledIpom Sun 03-Jul-11 21:23:58

When I was ill with flu (and yes it was flu), the kids were ill with a cold, I had no food in the house, we had all that snow, there were no taxis running, the tram wasnt running and all I wanted was someone to get some milk.

Instead I hauled myself out of bed, and the kids, got them wrapped up and we all walked/waded through the thigh high snow for 20 minutes to the shop which is normally a 10 minute walk away at 6-30 in the morning, knowing that if I didnt go then, there wouldnt be any milk left because of the panic buyers.

I threw up 4 times, twice on the way there and twice on the way back, got home and collapsed on the sofa for the next 4 hours and cried.

molemesseskilledIpom Sun 03-Jul-11 21:25:35

Its the stupid little things that get to me most.

WillIEverBeASizeTen Mon 04-Jul-11 00:36:25

Give yourselves a big pat on the back should be really proud smile

LeoTheLateBloomer Mon 04-Jul-11 07:02:10

Bloody hell. I thought mine had got worse in the night when I too started with D & V but now I've read more I feel like a bit of a fraud blush

All I need to do today is work out how to get the dog walked...

Bertie I know what you mean. XH was more of a presence than a help, but I still would have at least made him hold DD/clean up if he had been here.

Hats off to you ladies smile

MadMadamMim Mon 04-Jul-11 09:24:12

On my graduation day - he was still living here, but couldn't have been LESS interested in something that was a massive personal achievement for me. He didn't even congratulate me, just stood around all day looking miserable and ignoring everyone. I felt so sad, and realised that day that it was all over.

In terms of being a LP - when the walk in centre sent me to hospital with a suspected stroke (turned out to be a focal migraine) and I was going for a CT scan. I rang him to tell him he would have to collect the DCs, and his response was "Oh. Well can you ring me a bit later when you know what's going on?" Err, no. Leave your precious job for a day and look after the children you so desperately wanted, you selfish bastard.

(Sorry, bit of a rant, but I needed it!) grin

LeoTheLateBloomer Mon 04-Jul-11 09:27:48

Hope you feel better MadMadam wink

FeelingOld Mon 04-Jul-11 13:15:20

Like with others mine was when i was ill.

My kids are bit older luckily, dd was 14 and ds was 9 and i got swine flu and was unable to get out of bed for 4 days, if i needed the loo my kids had to help me get there and ds held my hair back for me while i was sick, he was brilliant. Luckily it was october half-term so didnt have to deal with getting the kids ready for school and i had got the week off work as a holiday so work wasnt an issue either. The kids lived on crap such as pot noodles, chicken goujons and oven chips etc but it didnt do them any harm for a week. I have no idea how i would have managed had my kids been younger. My parents live a 5 minute walk away but they are disabled and i am their main carer so they cant help me out. The kids even looked after them too.

MadMadamMim Mon 04-Jul-11 13:34:15

Yes thanks, I definitely do feel better :D

Bless your DCs Feeling - reading these makes me realise how fantastic we really are though. WillIEver is right, we should all congratulate ourselves on how brilliantly we are at managing when things get tough smile

Flamesparrow Mon 04-Jul-11 20:46:35

For me it was after hospital. We'd been split a month or so properly, and DD2 got admitted to hospital overnight when I couldn't get her temp down and she went floppy etc. He was with me in hospital until he got sent home, he was then with the other two, but then I got out, my mum had taken over with other two, and once I got them all to bed, I realised there was no-one for ME. Plenty of people around to care about the children etc, but no-one to just hold me.

extraconfusedhelp Mon 04-Jul-11 21:21:22

I have pretty much always been on my own, on and off... but finallly split with ex p end of sept, and from then till now i have been fighting to be away from him, now that i am i have recently realised that yes I am on my own, and no longer feel woo hooo about it sad

Newbabynewmum Mon 04-Jul-11 21:27:11

Single since December. My first time was today funnily enough.

My DD (9m) is refusing milk and hasn't had a wet nappy since last night. Took her to the walk in and waited over an hour then took her home and she screamed herself to sleep which took 45mins. No idea what's wrong with her either. I don't feel great tonight.

chubbasmum Mon 04-Jul-11 21:30:18

sad i thought it was just me who had feelings of loneliness, for me it was when i was in hospital having my son and a friend`s 18 year old was baby sitting my 10 year old that was the morning it suddenly dawned on me.

Newbabynewmum Mon 04-Jul-11 21:30:22

Just read the whole thread. Very proud of everyone on it. Made me a bit teary. Weak women we ain't!

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