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3 year old wants to live with daddy

(7 Posts)
FourFish Sat 02-Jul-11 09:52:08

My 3 year old is refusing to come out of room because she hates me and she wants to live with daddy sad. We've had a really difficult week pretty much stuck indoors as the baby has been poorly so i know she is out of routine and fustrated but it still hurts. She hasn't seen him for a month now which she finds unsettling and obviously has no idea that Daddy has decided that overnights are too stressful so I doubt he would be keen on the idea of her moving in!
She has packed her little suitcase and is all stuborn and sad and I just really feel for her. Anyway I can make this easier for her? I've got pretty good at spinning stories for why he's late/forgotton to ring/unable to see her but i think only daddy will do at the moment. Sometimes i wish he could see what he's does to her. Its all very well turning up twice a month loaded with chocolate and gifts and wisking them out for a fun day out but never being there at the difficult bits.
Please tell me this gets easier

maxine5 Sat 02-Jul-11 11:26:42

Message withdrawn

gillybean2 Sat 02-Jul-11 16:13:14

Fourfish you need to start explaining to your dd that daddy is too busy and that he loves to see her but he wouldn't be able to have her live there. Explain teh reality but in an appropriate way for her age.

Your lies stories are making him into a super hero. I know your intentions are good, but your dd will be hurt terribly when she finds out the truth. Better to let her down gently now rather than her find out teh truth and hate you for lying to her.

corlan Sat 02-Jul-11 17:14:54

Fourfish - It does get easier, I promise.

I agree with gillybean that you should tell your daughter the truth, rather than making up stories about why your XP doesn't turn up. Making him out to be better than he is will set her up for a fall when she eventually realises the truth.

Can you, or somebody else, get through to your XP how unsettling it is for your daughter to not know when she will see him next.

Your daughter sounds like she has a lot of spirit - good for her ( but hard work for you!)

FourFish Sat 02-Jul-11 19:51:05

Thanks - I hadn't thought about my stories making him into a superhero thats intresting. We meet half way and he usually rings at the last minute to say that he is running late (anything up to an hour) and because we are standing at a train station waiting i've always found it easier to give her a reason (he never does, the one time i pushed for a reason his girlfriend was suppose to give him a lift to the train station but was too tired so he had to walk and misssed the train :-) ). The one time I insisted he spoke to her to explain she literally threw the phone away and howled curling up into a ball and it took a good hours to stop the sobs and I really hate the thought of putting her through that. As you can probably tell DD1 is destined for an acting career........

I bribed her out with face paints and fancy dress and she's been fine. Good to know it gets easier!

gillybean2 Sun 03-Jul-11 04:28:19

Don't wait at the station then.
Is there a park, cafe, soft play or somethig near the station where you can go?
Let him be the one waiting at the station instead.

Does he have the baby when he has contact too? Or does she get daddy's undivided attention all to herself? I'm guessing the latter and in her mind she'll be expecting the same when she lives with him too...

cestlavielife Sun 03-Jul-11 21:56:20

maybe try and get to why she wants to leave and live with someone she hant seen for a month - do some play with dolls representing you, her, the baby and daddy and see what she acts out - might be revealing.

if you having to focus on babay - can you leave baby with someone and give her some undivided attention? dont know how old baby is but eg during baby's nap time or ?

and you and her waiting at a station is cr%p - something had to change if he cannot turn up on time.... if tehre is soft play/library/cafe lcoal to teh station ahve him pick her from there ?

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