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When do you say enough is enough regarding contact?

(10 Posts)
yearningforthesun Thu 30-Jun-11 14:09:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Meglet Thu 30-Jun-11 14:15:47

Christ! From what you've said, and the fact your DC's are not keen on seeing him, I'd be trying to sort out a contact centre. You sound like you are flogging a dead horse though TBH sad. You could try mediation but he doesn't sound like the sort of bloke who would do it.

FWIW my XP was abusive, got himself thrown out of mediation then refused to attend a contact centre. We no longer have anything to do with him. I did all the leg work trying to get him to see the kids and calm down and he blew it. He would only bring anger and hassle to their lives now so we have no contact

I totally understand what you mean about rocking the boat though, but you want to force the children to see their Dad if he is like that and they aren't happy with him.

yearningforthesun Thu 30-Jun-11 14:27:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cestlavielife Thu 30-Jun-11 16:12:12

there is no court order so you dont have to drop plans to see him at all.

please stop dropping your and DC plans for him! you really dont need to do this -

any contact only by prior arrangement, a third party present - or zero face to face contact. the DC suffer from contact by the sounds of it (eg him saying he will kill himself) so please stop contact now.

it doesnt sound like seeing him is positive for children.

just tell him (write a polite email) he can have indirect contact (facebook/skype/letters/eamils(which you monitor) and no contact - unless by prior arrangement to suit you adn DC and under supervision of a third party.

if he takes it to court then you can simply ask for the same giving all the reasons why.

communicate with him only by email, be polite at all times to him andfactual -and keep all his responses

you have good chance for only indirect

or supervised contact being ordered - which is what my final contact order says. (also Mh issues, has been violent/agressive etc)

cestlavielife Thu 30-Jun-11 16:13:12

why would you need toprovide him with addresses?
an email/phne would suffice

do you have his permission in writing?
does he have PR?

cestlavielife Thu 30-Jun-11 16:14:09

also be sure to speak to teachers /GP, ask for referral to family therapist/play therapist so that you ahve record of you seekig profressional help todeal with DC anxieties over contact

you can play his game too

cestlavielife Thu 30-Jun-11 16:15:31

also - keep him out of your house. just say to DC - sorry dad cannot come in.
they will thank you for it - i have done this too and the DC are happy to know he cannot come over doorstep.

yearningforthesun Thu 30-Jun-11 16:53:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkCarBlueCar Thu 30-Jun-11 20:10:16

what cestlavie said. bang on.

I would mention that contact centres come in various types and levels - there's the indirect contact cestlavie is talking about (which obviously doesn't involve or need a centre), there's supervised contact (one NRP, children, one trained supervisor - usually either all court ordered or via Social Services), and there's just using a contact centre (you got to the centre, possibly self-referred, possibly court ordered, drop kids, NRP sees them with other NRP's, kids and volunteers present, you pick up kids and go home).

The last type isn't necessarily time constrained. Courts and SS would want to move away from using a contact centre wherever possible, but in your case, there's good reason to keep using such a place. If he was to actually commit to contact there.

If he didn't show a commitment to a contact centre, then it'd be amazing if he convinced a court to agree to the hither-and-thither, when-it-pleases-him contact he's been having.

PinkCarBlueCar Thu 30-Jun-11 20:11:48

National Association of Children's Contact Centres for self-referring and lots of good info

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