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How do you cope?

(10 Posts)
MariaMaria1984 Mon 27-Jun-11 23:52:36

So, in the middle of a separation from H. Have a 4 month old DS and am scared shitless about being a single parent. Living with my mum and dad in the short term, while I get my (physical and emotional) strength back.

How do you all do it? how do you cope??

yetama Tue 28-Jun-11 00:06:12

That is a very good question? In the same situation that you at the moment so not much experience but I could say take advantage of all the help you parents can offer you in the mean time as you will need it. I would also do not hurry to sort a place for you anyou DS if you can stay at your parents. You DS is very young and you will need all the help you can get in the following months.

In my case it reassures me everytime XP os horrible to me (which is still very often) that I have taken the best decision or me and DD (22 months). I have good days and bad days but I always get help from my friends even f it is just for a cry. My family lives far away so I am on my own completely of it was not for my friends.

Everybody says that hings get better, we just have to wait and be as strong as we can be.

Sorry I did not have any better advice.

mrsmcv Tue 28-Jun-11 06:48:13

i was in exactly your position nearly five years ago, to the day. I'm still single and every day I still wake up feeling glad that I left my horrible husband. It has been hard, don't get me wrong, but never as hard as living with him was. I did exactly the right thing for my daughter who is growing up confident, kind, clever and funny, which she wouldn't have done if we'd stayed together.

We have been skint and homeless, lost friends and family left right and centre but I can honestly say I am happier than I've ever been because my daughter makes me feel contented and confident beyond measure.

I was terrified when I left, I could not see how it could possibly be done but it really can. In practical terms, it's not that different. In emotional terms, you can be as lonely in a relationship as out of one.

Me and dd have been all over the place together, by ourselves. I've got a new career, she is into everything and really gorgeous.

Look after yourself and make use of all that's out there to help you: health visitor, gp, counselling if you need it, homestart, sure start if it still exists anywhere, gingerbread, lone parent advisor at the job centre if you want to work, scoopaid if you're in sheffield. Above all, try to live in the moment. You are a precious new mummy with a gorgeous son and you can still love him and enjoy his life even though this is hard and heartbreaking at the same time.

On my worst days I used to lie in bed not daring to open my eyes because it was so awful but I only had to hear dd cry or mumble or something and it was like I came back to life.

My practical tip would be to take lots of photos so that you can remember everything, it's easy to get lost in the stress of it all. And also remember, single parents are heroes x

mellowbird Tue 28-Jun-11 10:32:41

lovely lovely sound so proud...and rightly so smile

Op,you will cope,take things one day at a time,take all help offered and enjoy your precious son.

FudgeForever Tue 28-Jun-11 19:56:07

hi guys,

Maria here, have name changed.

Thanks for the advice, I really love hearing success stories, because I feel at the moment like I won't be able to cope. I was planning on moving back to our house with DS, but I think you are right, and I should make the most of the support from my parents.

Thanks again!!!

UnlikelyAmazonian Tue 28-Jun-11 22:57:55

mrsmcv that is one of the most lovely and profound posts I have ever seen. I am going to print it out and keep it in my purse. I feel the same. But you put it so so beautifully. Congratulations on coming through and being so inspiring, brave and kind.

blackeyedsusan Thu 30-Jun-11 14:56:13

lower your expectations... you don't need to try and do everything. remember to look after yourself. you are the one keeping the show on the road and you have to be fit to do that. take all help offered. remember you are doing a job that it normally takes 2 people to do, be proud.

girliefriend Thu 30-Jun-11 20:16:14

Hello I've been single since my dd was born and it has been hard but really amazing as well. I've learnt so much about myself (the good and the bad!)

You will be fine, just keep going, I found having a routine in place helped my sanity and made me feel slightly more in control of things. Find out where you stand financially, make the most of any offers of help, join lots of baby groups, try and stay positive!!!

moomoo1967 Fri 01-Jul-11 15:49:04

I put off getting out of my crap relationship with DD's father. Now I wish I had done it sooner, things were awful for a while. I was lonely, tired, skint etc BUT things will get better and DD is so so much happier. No rows etc.
So it may be hard for a while but it will get better, you will look back and wonder what you were worried about

gillybean2 Sat 02-Jul-11 09:02:19

One day at a time.
Do the best you can today, and if it wasn't everything you hoped for then you still have tomorrow.

Be the best mum you can be on any given day, and accept that it may not be all you hoped for, but it was the best you could be.

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