A bit of brackground: XP and I separated almost two months ago and DD (22 months old) and I moved out of the family house, he has kept the house we bought together. She seems very happy in the new house and loves going with her dad. She has dinner twice a week with him and comes back home at bed time and sleeps over at his one night each weekend.
My problem starts when DD retuns after sleeping at his. Today she came back home and she was very happy playing with the new train set that I bought her and the Mrs Potato Head. Everything was fine up until 5 minutes into dinner when she decided that she didn't wanted to eat anymore and wanted to watch Shrek. Food is not a problem as DD eats very well and my phylosophy is if she doesn't want to eat I do not force her, she will eat more next time. I explained her that I was eating and that I would not put Shrek untill I had finished my dinner. She then started to smash my plate while looking at me. I gave her a warning and she carried on soing it so I sat her on the first step in the stairs (very close to where I was eating) and I carried eating as if nothing was happening while she was screaming like crazy. After a minute I went and explained her why I had sat her on the step and asked a hug and a kiss as an apology (she can't say sorry yet) which she refused. I sat her again and waited another minute and had the same outcome. It lasted 20 minutes and then she decided that wanted to follow me around the house while screaming mummy. I was ignoring her as I was still waiting for an apology. This behaviour didn't stop until I put her in bed which means we were like this for 46 minutes. She crying and me trying to ask her to calm down to be able to talk with her which didn't work.
What I can't understand is how it is possible that this type of behaviour only happens with me and not when she is with her dad. Is she testing me? or is he lieing to me? He always says that with him she behaves fantastically well and never has tantrums. Is this possible? If this is the case, should she be better with him than living with me?
To be perfectly honest I was amazed how pacient I was during this big tantrum. Probably because I have had a good rest the previous night. I just don't understand what I am doing wrong. Am I just being a horrible mum and my DD should live with him? I really wouldn't like this but I am starting to question my capabilities to do the right thing. I think that I am a good mum and try my best to do what is right even if it means that I have to cope with a tantrum. Why is she like this with me? Is she getting it back because of the separation? Help please.
Sorry if it does not make to much sense I am lost and I don't know what to do.
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Need someone to help me put things in perspective please. Sorry a bit long, bear with me please
35 replies
yetama · 25/06/2011 20:36
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