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Single mum dating dilemma !!!

(14 Posts)
tetti Fri 24-Jun-11 14:10:25

Ok,I have met a lovely man after being single for 3 years and going on dates that simply did not work out.I had all but lost hope to meet someone.Then this man came into my life very recently and we really hit it off,our first date lasted 20 hrs and he is as keen as me.However,child is supposed to be with her father every other weekend,but it doesn't always work out that way.I've just been told he cannot have her for 3 weeks,not good for her and very frustrating for myself tbh.I feel like any blossoming romance does not have any chance to develop as I can only go on dates when my child is with her father.I work ft and have no family in this country,and I can't exactly ship her off to friends for sleepovers until I know that a relationship is going somewhere.Once you know what a relationship is becoming serious,yes Then you can introduce the person to the child.But how on earth can it even get to that stage of it getting serious when you never actually get any TIME to spend with the person you are dating? I can feel myself falling for this man and he seems pretty serious too,but it has to be one very patient man to wait 2-3 weeks between dates ! Lessages,texts and calls just don't seem enough,am I am seriously pining here :/ .I don't want to leave dating until my daughter's grown up ,there has to be a way,but I dk how!How do you all manage to form relationships as single mums because I really dk how I can :/

tetti Fri 24-Jun-11 14:12:54

Correction,mean to say that I can't ship off my child to her friend's for sleepovers and I can't introduce her to anyone until I know it is a serious relationship smile

ChristinedePizan Fri 24-Jun-11 14:14:20

Get a babysitter?

tetti Fri 24-Jun-11 14:18:56

They cost about £60 a night here,mimimum,plus it would only be for a few hours so that option's not available.Who said it was easy eh?lol

BooBooGlass Fri 24-Jun-11 14:21:18

I managed to wrangle a babysitter for the first several dates. When I was comfortable with him, I invited him over to mine for movies, I made sure the dc were asleep and he knew if they awoke (which tbh they never did) he would have to leave. It worked very well til the time came to introduce them. But tbh neither of us are showy, going out people. I do like to be treated to a meal out every now and then, but we both undersand that for the majority of the time I'm not actually able to leave the dc so are pretty much stuck to the house. Presumably he knows you have a child, so tbh none of that should come as a shock.

ChristinedePizan Fri 24-Jun-11 14:23:22

Blimey that's expensive shock. That's what I do but I use sitters who are much cheaper. Hmm ... meet for a coffee/lunch? I know it's hard - I really struggle with it too (not that I have met a wonderful man grin)

BooBooGlass Fri 24-Jun-11 14:23:33

Sixty quid a night?? That's madness. Do you not have friends with dc for whom you can return the favour? I have a great friend who understands my situation who offers every couple of months to have mine overnight so me and dp can have a proper night out. And I don't mind at all when she asks me to reciprocate (which tbh I wish was more often as her dc are scrummy smile)

tetti Fri 24-Jun-11 14:31:58

Yeah,he has 3 grown up children and is a very sound guy.He totally understands that my daughter comes first.We are already very comfortable with eachother,we exchanged hundreds of messages,txt's and spent hours onthe phone before we went on a date.We did not meet through a dating site,but found eachother in the most extraordinary way (too long a story to mention here!lol) I know he and my daughter would get on like a house on fire,but until I know for sure that something serious will come out of this,I have to be careful.But to have him come over when my child is asleep and do it that way,that really sounds like the only real option right now (she does sleep like a log !lol) I just have to learn to be patient I guess,but it's so hard when after all this time alone (and after thinking that I'd never meet anyone whom I'd feel this strongly for again) to reign my feelings in.You just want to see that other person all the time,but you can't.

tetti Fri 24-Jun-11 14:39:13

My girl occasionally has sleepovers at friends,but you know how fickle these young girls are,one day they're best mates,the next day they've fallen out !(that's 8 year old for you!lol) so I never dare to make any plans to far ahead in advance.But her dad's brother and his gf (whom she adores ) have just moved into our area,so maybe I should work my charm on them ?;)

Yes,£60/night is a fortune !I guess it's because of the area that I live in that they can get away with charging so much ,could you imagine if I got a babysitter in 4 times a month? OUCH !!!

ChristinedePizan Fri 24-Jun-11 19:53:01

tetti - if you're in the UK, sitters dot co dot uk charge under £7/hour in central London and there is nowhere more expensive than that. Granted, you have to pay a quarterly fee but you are looking at £20-30 for 3 hours, not £60 (not that it's cheap but it's a lot cheaper than what you're paying)

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Sat 25-Jun-11 18:34:51

Agree, use sitters they are fab! and £6 an hour here in the west midlands, plus membership, obviously

niceguy2 Sat 25-Jun-11 20:56:03

Do you perhaps have a friend with a mature teenage daughter?? My DD is 14 and she babysits for a couple of my friends. As long as they are sensible, it'll be fine for a few hours.

Back when I was dating and my kids were a bit younger, I found a pair of 14yr old's who were happy to babysit for £20 (tenner each). That said, I always knew my neighbour who is a good mate was in and I was never more than 30 mins away.

£60 a night? I'd flipping do it for that!

giigii Sat 25-Jun-11 21:18:21

60 pound a night is ridiculas i babysat a lot for my family etc and got paid a tenner and sometimes i had them overnight maybe if you have some friends in the area that you could ask x

Maelstrom Sun 26-Jun-11 10:58:53

Do you have any other single parent friends, we baby sit for each other, having said that it is always subject to the children getting alown well with each other so it is a bit of a mine field.

I understand your frustration at your ex changing contact, but don't forget it can be worse. My ex doesn't have any contact whatsoever with his son (his choice) that is though! so enjoy the little free time that you have and get in touch with sitters smile

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