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Will my daughter go into care if I die?

(13 Posts)
Fevver Wed 22-Jun-11 22:14:02

Hi, I'm new here so apologies that I'm not up to speed with all the abbreviations smile

My ex and I had a daughter before Dec 2003 (she's nearly nine now) so he doesn't have automatic parental responsibility even though he is named on her birth certificate. Relations between us are good and he pays his maintenance, sees our daughter regularly and takes her on holidays. We agree on all the major decisions in her life so no problems there either. The one thing my ex is worried about though is, if (heaven forbid) I were to die, would my daughter have to go into care while the courts decide if he can look after her or not? I had always assumed she would automatically go to live with her dad so didn't see any need to get anything down legally to make sure he could. My ex says that a friend of his had this exact problem but it could just have been because he wasn't on speaking terms with the mum. I can't think of anything worse to happen to my daughter than being put into care when her father would be more than willing and more than capable of caring for her in the event of my death! I just assumed that, apart from me, her father was her next of kin so didn't forsee a problem. Am I seeing things through rose-tinted glasses or are my assumptions right? I hope someone here can clear this up because he has got me worried now!

Thanks everyone

MollieO Wed 22-Jun-11 22:15:13

Why hasn't he applied for PR?

AMAZINWOMAN Wed 22-Jun-11 22:23:57

Get your will sorted out now as you can state on there were you want your children to go if you die.

smallwhitecat Wed 22-Jun-11 22:28:57

Message withdrawn

VivaLeBeaver Wed 22-Jun-11 22:29:10

I really don't think so. Not as he's on the birth certificate. Plus she's old enough to say that he's her dad and they have a good relationship and she wants to be with him. The last thing social services would want to do is add any further trauma to her life by putting her in care even if for a short while. I'm sure it wouldn't happen.

But make a will.

Fevver Wed 22-Jun-11 22:41:07

Thank you everyone, I feel better now!

I had thought that surely, care would be the last thing anyone would want for a child when there is any family member willing and able to care them - not least their dad!

I will definitely get onto making a will though - everything I've got (not a lot, but it's minesmile ) goes to dd. I assume this means darling / dear daughter?

Anyway, maybe I'll get the hang of the terminology one day but thanks again for all your responses.

cestlavielife Wed 22-Jun-11 23:22:44

yes make a will - but if you happy for him to have PR then is very simple form to fill in and send to local court

www.hmcourts-service.gov.uk/courtfinder/forms/cpra1.pdf

www.alternativefamilylaw.co.uk/en/children/parental-responsibility.htm#6
Parental Responsibility Form

This Parental Responsibility form is a legal document which the mother must sign. It must be witnessed and filed with the Principal Registry (in England) or registered in the Books of Council and Session (in Scotland). The document includes instructions on how to complete it and where it should be registered

thecaptainsspongefinger Thu 23-Jun-11 11:50:57

Have just had my Will written and am extremely happy with it. I used Yvonne at Marlow Wills and I thoroughly recommend her. Check out the advert in the MN Classified section. Very easy and nowhere near as expensive as going to your solicitors.

mumblechum1 Fri 24-Jun-11 14:15:04

Thanks so much for your recommendation Captain! (I haven't a clue who you are as nicknames & client names don't often overlap, but I really appreciate the boost).

Op, check out my advert over on Classified "Will Writing Service recommended by Mumsnetters".

I'm happy to offer free advice on this thread if you have any queries.

Essentially, though, you need to appoint your ex as Guardian of your dc.

marycorporate Fri 24-Jun-11 14:50:24

Have you sort advice on your will only leaving everything to a minor isn;t really agood move as she can't get to it until she's an adult. You'd be better off with a neutral but trusted person to be executor.. yo'll get better legal advice on the legal board but that is what I was told. I have left everything to my mother with the understanding she pays 'maintenance' each month to my DD's dad as that is who she will live with.

mumblechum1 Fri 24-Jun-11 15:11:03

Yes, MaryCorporate is right; the executor and guardian should always be separate people in order to avoid any conflict of interest. The guardian can then negotiate with the executor for the child's upkeep to come out of the trust fund.

spongefingeranyone Tue 28-Jun-11 13:42:14

Sorry mumblechum1, forgot I'd name changed (TheNextMrsBuble) grin

mumblechum1 Tue 28-Jun-11 20:31:05

<<waves>> grin

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