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Fat Neighbour versus Single Dad

(57 Posts)
AitchGee Sat 18-Jun-11 19:54:40

I have the misfortune to be within 100 yards of what I can only describe as a disgustingly obese childless woman aged about 40. She is registered as disabled.

My two small sons have played on the pavement with other children, in my opinion, quite normally. However, today this fatso knocked on my door and told me that she will be calling the police if they continue. She obviously has a few mental issues to boot!!

I was seething inside, mainly because she tried to play the disabled card on me, but luckily I refrained from comment. . I was tempted to tell her to sod off but at the last moment, I bit my lip. I now regret my calmness.

I am a single dad, mother buggered off 4 years ago, boys see her perhaps once or twice a year. Boys ages are 6 and 7.

I am fighting Small Cell Lung Cancer, undergoing Chemo/Radio Therapies and absolutely detest people that self-inflict disabilities.

Anyone got any ideas as to what I should say to the police when they do her beckoning and knock on my front door?

Mutt Sat 18-Jun-11 19:58:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuePurblybilt Sat 18-Jun-11 19:58:07

I do see that you're cross but I don't think you're going to find the best reception here by using phrases like 'playing the disabled card' , 'fatso' etc.
I'm sorry for your health troubles, it must be hard. If it's any consolation, I doubt if she's actually called the Police smile

mrscolour Sat 18-Jun-11 20:32:13

She is probably bluffing. I vaguely remember a grumpy old woman when I was a child who threatened to call the police because I rode my bike on a green that said no bikes. She never did.

Have you had trouble with this woman before? What is she saying your children were doing that was such a problem? Is she registered disabled because she is fat? Must p you off when you really do have health problems.

scurryfunge Sat 18-Jun-11 20:34:30

What a load of old shit.

0/10

Mellowfruitfulness Sat 18-Jun-11 20:55:53

Feel very sorry for you and your kids, but it's important to get on with neighbours, whatever they're like.

We once lived next to a horrible old woman who leapt out of her house every time my son appeared in our shared garden. As a result, he was scared of going out for ages ..

The problem is that your sons will either be scared of her, or maybe more likely - given the tone of your post - aggressive towards her. That would be horrible for everyone, and your sons would get the blame, whether you thought it was their fault or not. That would be really bad for them. It would teach them that the world is unfair and not on their side, which is a huge burden to grow up with.

So you need to calm down, imo. Nothing annoys us more when other adults complain about our kids, especially when they were doing nothing wrong - just being kids - and even more when the kids already have a lot on their plate with you being unwell and their mother having left them.

You need to show your kids you support them, but you're not doing them a favour by getting angry, imo. You need to teach them strategies for dealing with unpleasant people in life, because there are a lot of them around.

Life has dealt you a very difficult hand, but I really hope that you manage to stash this away as an annoying but minor incident, and concentrate on the important things - bringing your sons up equipped to deal with the outside world.

Do you have any support, btw? Really hope so.

Mellowfruitfulness Sat 18-Jun-11 21:00:29

I think it's a shame that this woman, living near you and presumably knowing about your set-up, couldn't be more supportive. But you shouldn't judge her. You don't know what her issues are. She doesn't sound very happy either.

Can't you help each other out?

chubbasmum Sat 18-Jun-11 22:42:08

im sorry to hear about what you are going through and big hugs to the kids BUT that doesnt give you the right to judge people in such a manner , some people`s disabilities are not visual so have abit of sympathy have you ever stoped to say hello and maybe get to know her story you will be surprised. Just have abit of patience with her good luck with everything

muminthecity Sat 18-Jun-11 22:53:14

What a disgusting OP. How do you know that her disability is a result of her being overweight and not vice versa? Awful, awful way to talk about somebody.

AitchGee Sat 18-Jun-11 23:45:32

Perhaps I was a little harsh. Next time I see her buying a triple portion of pudding, chips and gravy at the local chippy, I'll give her a hand to haul her stodge home.

I have never had time for anyone self abusing and garnering sympathy. Sorry if that offends, it's just the way it is, for me. I have genuine struggles as do many here in this forum, seemingly. Call me reactionary, if you may, but like alcoholics, drug addicts smokers and the obese. they are a bain to us all and are the worst role models imaginable for our children.

I started this thread as I had genuine concerns for my families welfare and the real prospect that this fatso might cause us problems. But it seems that some responses are suggesting that I should just cow-tow to this woman.

I actually thought this may be a good place for a "rant"

#rant over#

Amieesmum Sun 19-Jun-11 00:06:57

Oh dear, sounds like you're in a pickle! Next time you see her walking down the street - walk behind her making trumpet noises in the tune of nelly the elephant

VioletV Sun 19-Jun-11 01:23:47

Amieesmum Please don't make me laugh that hard again. It's not good on my bladder at nearly 9 months pg lmao x

PrinceHumperdink Sun 19-Jun-11 01:28:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

piprabbit Sun 19-Jun-11 01:30:25

Ignorant, ranty twat.

AitchGee Sun 19-Jun-11 06:37:42

Princehumperdink wrote: "I'm not sure what her weight has to do with it, though."

It was like being lectured by the local bag-head on the subject of crime-prevention smile

TheHumanCatapult Sun 19-Jun-11 07:54:35

erm and how do you know her disability is due to her weight ?.I am over weight but my disability is nothing to do with that.

Just stay polite on the other stuff and sorry you are having a hard time with your own health but that does not make it to have a go at others for what you see a s self inflicted

DuelingFanjo Sun 19-Jun-11 08:01:28

You sound awfully bitter. Maybe you could get some counselling to help you through your ill health.

AitchGee Sun 19-Jun-11 11:18:33

Being overweight is not the issue here. What is my "issue" is how dare someone that so obviously is self-harming with food and using her disability card to deflect criticism.

There are so many people out there, through no fault of their own, that are truly disabled. I count myself amongst them, but hopefully, not for long.

Perhaps the answer is to herd all the fatties together and build a fatty town for them to moan at each other in. Just an idea. Maybe build it next to drug world, down the lane from Skanksville.

VivaLeBeaver Sun 19-Jun-11 11:23:08

Yes but she's ot lecturing you on healthy eating is she.

I'm not saying that you should roll over and not let your kids play out. She does sound a bit of a loon and I'm sure the police won't do anything. Kids are allowed to play out. If she brings it up again just politely tell her that your kids are allowed out. But just make sure they're not misbehaving by throwing stones at her fence or being really shouty outside her window, etc.

LoveMyOscar Sun 19-Jun-11 11:26:47

Tosser alert! Any wonder OP's wife left with his disgusting attitude?

GypsyMoth Sun 19-Jun-11 11:27:50

What is she claiming your sons actually did??

We also have a near ish neighbour who does this, we get a community officer round sometimes over the petty reports, the whole area has it, not just us.

Do you or her rent your houses from HA/ council?

Jaquelinehyde Sun 19-Jun-11 11:41:34

My goodness what a nasty, vile little man you are.

I feel sorry for your children if they are going to be raised with the same attitude as yours. You should be ashamed of yourself for these ranty little verbal attacks.

feckwit Sun 19-Jun-11 11:47:27

You're being a twat. Many disabilities and illnesses are preventable through lifestyle changes but the things is, we are all human and have weaknesses and need to support one another.

I'd try and befriend her, if she strikes up a relationship with your children she might be more tolerant. She might even start sharing her chips.

Mellowfruitfulness Sun 19-Jun-11 12:23:16

AitchGee, you do a really good job of making people hate you!

OK, so 'playing the disability card' gets your goat. Very understandable. But so what? Do you want a peaceful life for you and your kids? Then get on with your neigbours and lose your judgemental attitude.

Someone who is unhealthily overweight/alcoholic/drug addict/poor almost certainly doesn't want to be, imo. They probably have issues. Show some understanding!

Life is hard. But getting angry with people who don't have it as hard as you do, or who create their own problems (as we all do!), doesn't make it less hard for you.

The next time you post on here, I want to hear that you have mowed your neighbour's lawn and she has baked you some brownies. That your kids have taken her to the park and she has helped them with their homework.

You need your neighbours - and they need you. What if anything happened to you in the middle of the night?

Lecture over. As you were.

<Sorry. I know nothing about you either, yet am presuming to give you the benefit of my infinite wisdom. Please don't take offence. I can be very bossy. Just think how lucky you are not to be one of my neighbours! Squirms off to make a cup of tea.>

gillybean2 Sun 19-Jun-11 16:23:10

If she's disabled she could complain that the children are harassing her because she is disabled. She may find it intimidating having lots of children outside her door, especially if it makes her scared or nervous about going out or she feels threatened. You don't know if she's been verbally or physically attacked or mugged as an easy target before. Try and see her point of view before you leap so fast to think your dc haven't done anything.

Ask her what the specific issue is and tell all the dc play a little further along the other way from her door. Is there not a garden or a park near by they can play in instead?

Also be sure that you the other children aren't having an influence on your dc as they may be encouraging your dc to say things like calling her fatso that you might be unaware of. My neighbours got very upset one day when my ds had a friend over. They were on his climbing frame tower and this lad was throwing things (sticks and stones) at them in their garden and yelling at them when they told him to stop. I couldn't hear what was going on but I could see something was up from the way they were behaving and so I went out to investigate only to find a very angry neighbour. I was shocked that my ds went along with it and that he hadn't come to tell me what was going on. Needless to say they were both indoors after a stern talking too and that child doesn't visit any more.

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