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going away with father - long one, sorry.

(9 Posts)
midnightmunchies Fri 17-Jun-11 23:18:35

My DD is 9 and has had intermittent contact with her Father since she was born. At most one weekend a month - which is what it is supposed to be at the moment but only seems to be when it suits him/his wife. He has been asking to take her away for a while but has never got around to arranging anything. This time he has booked for the whole family his wife, her DD 10 their DD 4 and our DD to go to Spain for a week.
I have always tried to be supportive of DD seeing her Dad and have tried not to prejudice her against him. However due to things that have happened she has come to her own mostly negative conclusions about her father.
But she still goes up to stay with him once a month always saying 'well it might be better this time' and she always comes back very upset/cross/ annoyed with her Father.
Initially DD said absolutely no to going on holiday, with her father, but he has been pressurising her and she says she wants to try it.
My biggest concern is that the wife has openly admitted she is prejudiced against my DD and DD father has not denied this either. she has hit and sworn at DD in the past, she is very negative about me in front of DD and if anything goes wrong with the 3 girls it is always my DDs fault.
I am a bit nerbous about DD spending the week with her father but am very concerned about how his wife will treat DD.
If DD really wants to go, I don't think I should stop her but on the other hand I am very worried about how she will be treated. I feel damned if I do and damned if I don't.
AIBU? any advice?

frantic51 Sat 18-Jun-11 08:09:36

I feel for you but have no experience of this kind of situation. Just bumping for you and hoping that someone with more wisdom and knowledge will be along shortly.

Grumpla Sat 18-Jun-11 08:12:19

Sorry? She has HIT your DD?
Hell no.

Shodan Sat 18-Jun-11 08:20:01

Not a chance in hell that I would let my child go on holiday with a) a woman who has hit and sworn at her and b) a man who should be protecting his daughter from this kind of crap.

Say no. If your DD still wants to go in, say, five years time, you can think again.

KidderminsterKate Sat 18-Jun-11 08:32:10

no - I wouldnt allow it if she had been hit by another person going on the holiday.......are you absolutely sure that it happened??

midnightmunchies Sat 18-Jun-11 09:15:52

There were 2 incidences of DD being hit but they were a couple of years ago now. I am sure they happened. I stopped contact immediately at the time and contact has gradually been built back up, (give or take her father messing us about). Thanks everyone for backing up my instincts.

Bearinthebigwoohouse Sat 18-Jun-11 10:15:33

Did she actually admit to them happening then?

midnightmunchies Sat 18-Jun-11 12:37:32

DD said it happened and I have never seen her so distressed aftewards, and her father admitted it had happened. despite my inital attempts to be friendly towards the wife, she very rarely talks to me and initially denied she had hit DD but DD's father later admitted that it had happened.

VioletV Sat 18-Jun-11 13:09:14

What everyone else said. I wouldn't allow my child to go anywhere with a SP who did that. F*cking bitch.

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