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(14 Posts)
Clairebearclaire Wed 15-Jun-11 18:20:39

Hi I'm new to mumsnet it was recomended by a friend. Quick Story please dont judge got married had 2 kids split up (about a year) had another by someone else split up when baby was 2 weeks old (he was violent went to prison was a thief etc etc) got back with eldests 2 kids dad pregnant again due in 8 weeks. Me hubby and eldest 2 have all got same surname and so will new baby. My little girl who's one has ex's surname. She's been brought up by my hubby since she was 3 weeks old he provides everything for her treats her the same as the other kids. Ex has had no contact he's never provided anything for her half of her first year he spent in prison for violence against me. He's just applied for a contact order. I asked his permission to add my surname to my little girls and he refused I've applied to the court to double barrell her last name reasons are so she doesn't have a totally different last name to her siblings. Paid £200 for a order was at court yesterday and I have 7 days to give my reason why its in her best interest to add my name. Help!!!!

Clairebearclaire Wed 15-Jun-11 19:06:02

confused

VioletV Wed 15-Jun-11 19:14:12

Erm personally I'd say so the child doesn't feel left out as her siblings all have the same surname apart from her. I'd also stress you feel your child should have your surname...

I'm sure someone else will come along shortly with a better explanation than mine lol

Clairebearclaire Wed 15-Jun-11 19:17:52

lol Thankyou your explanation was great

Riakin Thu 16-Jun-11 08:38:33

I'm not being funny here... but:

1) you have a violent ex
2) He's now applied for a contact order...

and you are more bothered about how to change your childs name...?

Why not wait until court action is out of the way as regards to contact first, don't fill your plate.

Its natural for him to refuse permission to change the name. I would be highly surprised if a court would agree to alter the name change given he is currently going for contact.

On another note and just for my OWN personal knowledge please can you be really honest and tell me:

- Are you bitter towards your violent ex and what are the reasons why you are

Note this question is only for me i'm just curious (No flaming).

Clairebearclaire Thu 16-Jun-11 10:30:14

Sorry were in my thread does it say I am more bothered about changing her name than him applying for contact?? I applied for a specific issue order to add my name along with a Residency order a few days before he put in his application for contact. If I would of known he was applying for contact then yes I would of waited. I have come on here for advice about adding my name as the residency has already been granted and I feel i have had alot of information regarding opposing his application for contact so do not need to ask for advice on this matter. Yes I agree it would be natural for him to refuse permission to change the name but as I am just wanting to add mine so she doesn't feel left out from her siblings then I don't think this is an unreasonable request. And no I'm not bitter why do I come across that way ??

Riakin Thu 16-Jun-11 12:32:05

Hi Claire,

No its just it isn't clear on the point of him going for contact after you put in for name change.

I would honestly if possible focus more of your energy on the court proceedings. If you say you don't need advice fair enough on that issue.

No its nothing to do with you coming across as bitter, merely i just was curious as a common thing that (particularly mothers) will do out of spite will be to remove the surname of the father. In effect its put in place to start the erasing process in most cases (erasing fathers memory/attachment/link etc from the childs life).

Just curious really smile

Clairebearclaire Thu 16-Jun-11 13:02:35

Hi smile
Sorry I'm abit defensive at the minute (practicing for court lol). I didn't make it clear but yes I put in an application for a residency and specific issue order as he has in the past threatened to take her and "I will never see her again" didn't think he was that serious about contact (still dont really) as he hasn't seen her since she was 2 weeks old she is now 1. But unfortunately a few days later received his application for contact. All the cases have been joined together and I am opposing contact due to the violence, him having not seen her in over a year, restraining order for the next 3 years etc etc. I am not wanting to change her name out of spite she will still keep his name and have mine joined on the end. She has no memory of him obviously due to her age or no attachment and their is no link what so ever only the biological link which I am trying to keep with her still keeping his name.
To be honest I think he is only applying for contact as I am currently pregnant and he sees this as another way of harassing me and causing upset

evolucy7 Thu 16-Jun-11 13:09:18

My 2 DDs surnames were changed to be double-barrelled and the advice that I was given by my solicitor was that even if ex didn't agree a court would usually think it was in the interests of a child to have both names and would order the change anyway. She said that it meant that the children had both parents' identity.

Clairebearclaire Thu 16-Jun-11 13:11:20

Thats great, Did you have to go to court or did your ex agree

evolucy7 Thu 16-Jun-11 13:20:43

We didn't go to court about the name change in the end, ex was told that the court would agree to a double barrell by my solicitor and I think he then may have got his own advice, but he eventually agreed, although despite signing the change of name documents he later tried to say he hadn't agreed confused.

As I am sure you know, I think the key is that whatever changes are made are in the best interests of the child, this way they would grow up with the identity of both parents, seeing the importance of both. hmm

Clairebearclaire Thu 30-Jun-11 20:31:14

Went to court yesterday I've applied to add my surname to my daughters her surname now is say Smith mine is brown. I've applied to change it to smith brown my ex is opposing this but will allow me to change it to brown smith what does anyone think???

PinkCarBlueCar Thu 30-Jun-11 21:29:51

I'd say they're pretty much as good as each other. It rather shows your ex just has to have it his way, but so long as your DD gets to have your name too, then surely it's job done?

Clairebearclaire Thu 30-Jun-11 21:43:28

Ye think its his way of trying to control the issue.

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