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sticking up for my son

(8 Posts)
bobala Sun 12-Jun-11 08:15:39

My ex recently bought DS1 a new Ipod as he dropped his in the bath - over £150. My DS2 really felt put out by this and yesterday sent Dad a message asking if he could please have the same amount (this is not the 1st time ex has treated boys differently) Ex has now replied with 'sorry no'. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!! So I have intervened and said the least he deserves is an explanation, particularly when DS1 wrecked his Ipod due to being daft. DS2 has not been to his Dads for nearly a year as they had a very bad stay last summer and he refuses to go. DS1 recently went back for 2 nights and is slightly less anti. I am now awaiting the wrath of the ex to hit and am really getting quite worried, but I have to stick up for my son.

balia Sun 12-Jun-11 09:55:26

Am a bit shock that you think it is OK for your DS to be demanding money from his Dad - after all, his brother didn't get anything new, did he, just an exising item replaced. OK, you may feel it was his own fault that the original was ruined, but kids do stupid things. I'm assuming that both boys are in their teens?

I think the important issue is not who is having more money spent on them, but the rift in the relationship; that is the bit that needs dealing with. Is your DS really old enough to make that decision?

bobala Sun 12-Jun-11 11:22:18

I did not know he had asked - but feel it is only fair and sadly only one in a long list of times that my older DS has been favoured - actually starting from birth when ex was disappointed DS2 was not a girl.......
I have tried for 12 years to help the boys have a good relationship with their Dad, have never been rude about him to them and have even stood up for him despite his appalling behaviour to them. I think 13 is perfectly old enough to be able to see exactly what is going on with a parent and to be able to say 'enough'. This has come from his dad having them to stay (once in a blue moon) and while they are there completely ignoring them, arranging appointments and leaving them alone in the house, having friends round they don't know or don't like and generally making both boys feel they are unwanted and in the way. The older one has only gone back to stay once in a year and this is largely because he has realised the potential benefits in terms of bribes outweigh the lack of attention and interest, which may be mercenary but he is 15 and I am sure not unlike many other 15 year old boys in that way.
The worst part of all of this will be the still awaited reply, rudeness, hostility, tantrums and further examples of why he is a useless parent and why the boys don't want to spend any time with him.
Rant over!

VioletV Sun 12-Jun-11 17:54:29

balia where in the original post did the OP state the child demanded money?! I read that as the child asking please could they have the same amount which is feel is fair although the child shouldn't have to ask their father to treat his children fairly!!

OP if I were you, I'd take the ipod off DS1 and send it back to the father.

I think it is disgusting parents favoring one child over another.

bobala Sun 12-Jun-11 18:49:49

thank you VioletV, was beginning to doubt myself there! have finally had a response from the ex - he said 'well that's it, I will just never buy either of them anything ever again' - further proof if I needed it of why I am not married to him anymore - I already have 2 stroppy teens in my house -certainly don't have to put up with a 3rd!

cestlavielife Sun 12-Jun-11 23:41:47

does ds2 have an ipod?
if it was a replacement and ds 2 already has his own ipod then i dont see logic in ds2 asking for equivalent amount in money.

who bought the original ipod? why dontthey both have their own ipods? why dint you claim ipod on house insurance?

having said all that - they both teens so leave them to work out their relationship with their dad. warts and all

ladydeedy Fri 17-Jun-11 12:35:49

i also wonder what is wrong with the dad inviting friends round to the house when the kids are there? I can see, given the reaction, why he has decided never to buy either of them anything ever again!

buickmackane Fri 17-Jun-11 12:40:47

If the sons have limited time with their father and struggle to get his attention when they're with him, of course they'll feel put out and further ignored by him having friends over.

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