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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Sigh - Advice please

12 replies

Lovemelillady · 09/06/2011 19:33

Is it possible for a NRP to go straight to the courts for contact?

Have been threatened with court, no solictors, just straight to court, can this be done and if so, how and under what conditions?

FYI - I am allowing contact whenever he wants if he comes here (long drive cross country), dd is 20m, previous contact has left her unsettled, unmanagable and display some odd behaviour.

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Snorbs · 09/06/2011 19:49

You are not obliged to use a solicitor. Neither is there anything stopping him from applying to court for contact. That all being said and unless there are serious child safety concerns the court will probably just direct you both to mediation in the first instance. It's only if mediation breaks down will the court get involved.

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Lovemelillady · 09/06/2011 19:59

There are no serious safety concerns. I would much prefer mediation, but he's decided he's going to go straight to court for contact - even though it's being offered to him on an unrestricted basis.

Looks like I'm in for a bumpy ride then. Super. :(

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GypsyMoth · 09/06/2011 20:13

He's probably wanting full weekends and holidays at wherever his home is

Would you agree to that?

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GypsyMoth · 09/06/2011 20:13

And he may request you do half the travelling too

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Lovemelillady · 09/06/2011 20:31

ILT - it's the full wkend that has caused the problem. DD was very distressed on return and it has taken me 3 days to get her back into a routine, possibly due to his irregular contact (3 months between visits).

I'm on income support, so money is tight, but half travel is something I have offered and have done in the past.

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WibblyBibble · 09/06/2011 21:00

There's no way an infant under three is going to be forced to go straight to weekends and holidays (although I'm not sure the people who automatically say that in every case even read the OP- or they'd realise toddlers don't have school holidays!), so I don't think you should worry about that. He needs to build up regular contact first, then you can discuss overnights when she's more confident with him. I'd guess the court will tell him to go to mediation first and you can say all this then.

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GypsyMoth · 09/06/2011 21:29

She's already on full weekends

Holidays...... I didn't mention 'school' half of Christmas/Easter/summer break

It's not jumping if she's already doing weekends, which she is. So, I'm guessing he's going through stress and expense if court for a reason, not for the fun of it!

He may go for joint residency.... Who knows, but my guess is something 'big'

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Lovemelillady · 09/06/2011 21:50

She's had 1 weekend in 6 months without me. Surely joint residency can't work if we're 200 miles apart?

When you say something 'big' do you mean he's being a drama or to expect something outrageous??

I'd love for her to be able to go every weekend and maintain contact with her dad, as it's her right. However, it can't be at the expense of my dd's wellbeing can it?

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rubin · 09/06/2011 22:24

Hi Lovemillady,

Distance doesn't exclude a joint or shared residency order. I've recently agreed to a shared residency order & myself & EP live in different countries. Shared residency isn't anything to worry about - it's essentially just a change in terminology in the order. It doesn't mean that residency of the child is split completely in two. It just means that when they child is with the NRP they 'reside' with them instead of the NRP having 'contact' with the child. Hope that makes sense! Its a fairly common order & in essence its there to strengthen each parents involvement, psychologically at least, in the child's upbringing.

In my order the children 'reside' with me the majority of the time & every 2nd weekend with their father.

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Lovemelillady · 09/06/2011 22:32

Oh, right. Thanks Rubin. Yes that would make sense, and probably make xp feel a lot more worthy than he feels right now. Suppose sometimes having a label like that makes the nrp feel important in their dd life. Unfortunately xp thinks having dd on wkends makes him a glorified babysitter, which is not the case at all.

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rubin · 09/06/2011 22:46

If you can, I would advise you get some advice from a solicitor. It really helped me to understand everything, even just terminology that can be daunting when you're not sure what it means. And it would help prepare you if he does decide to bring it to court.

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Lovemelillady · 09/06/2011 22:50

I've already seen one today, she was lovely and really helped me come to terms with all this. Their is a lot of maniuplation and bullying and I have never been comfortable with dd going for so long, but felt pushed into a corner. It's been a hellish year so hoping this is the end of it all and we can then both work together to give dd the best we can.

If he wants to take it to court, which by the sounds of it he does, then that's upto him. I don't unfortunately and would prefer mediation so we can explore other options together.