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I just smacked my 3 year old for first time. Feel devastated.

(13 Posts)
maxine5 Thu 09-Jun-11 10:46:16

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belindarose Thu 09-Jun-11 10:53:44

Sounds like a very stressful day. Any chance of getting outside with him for a bit? The swings, feed the ducks or something. Maybe a change of scene will break the cycle.

verlainechasedrimbauds Thu 09-Jun-11 11:01:55

Horrid for you and him, but I've been there! Make sure you say you are sorry and give him a hug (you've probably already done that!). Explain how cross he made you but that you were in the wrong. Even if he doesn't quite understand, he will feel that you are not angry now and that will be reassuring.

I asked my children whether they remembered being smacked when I'd lost my temper - they couldn't remember being smacked but had vague memories of me saying sorry that I had lost my temper apparently! I'm glad to say it didn't happen often - but it DID happen. I remember the incidents vividly (and with regret) - it would seem that they don't.

I second the advice for a change of scene and also recommend that you try to forgive yourself - I bet your little one forgave you as soon as he'd had a hug.

maxine5 Thu 09-Jun-11 11:02:47

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Mollymax Thu 09-Jun-11 11:03:16

Don't beat yourself up over it.
Apologise to your son.
Try and get outside, change of scene always works.
Few deep breaths next time. And count to ten.

Mollymax Thu 09-Jun-11 11:04:20

X posts. To slow typing. smile

snailoon Thu 09-Jun-11 11:07:53

I think most people have this moment whether they admit it or not. Once or twice when I was really angry (kids outrageously quarrelling or throwing pasta), I have thrown a tiny bit of water at them. This gets their attention, can be humourous, and expresses your sense of helpless rage without doing anything scary like hitting or yelling. Don't try it more than once in a blue moon though, or it will lose its shock value.

Rycie Thu 09-Jun-11 11:15:20

Just apologise. We all do things we wish we hadn't, we're human. Be gentler with yourself.

Give him a big hug, and say you're really sorry and that it's wrong to hit and you shouldn't have done it but you made a mistake.

And as you say, work on developing some strategies for coping better.

angrywoman Thu 09-Jun-11 11:27:24

It is amazing how few people will own up to this.. Or perhaps not as it is such a contentious issue. I do not condone smacking in any way and have been in your position. You just need to let them know you are sorry and move on. Monitor your feelings, work out ways of coping when he behaves like that... Smacking doesn't work any way, just shows a child that its ok to do it to others.
The thing that annoys me about this is that there are many more ways to hurt a child than smacking. Words and attitude of a parent can be much more painful and have equally damaging long term consequences if they occur regularly... Did your parents smack you? When my mother did it to me (rarely, as with me to my kids, though she had less guilt as was more accepted) it was in moments of extreme frustration/ danger. The only occasion I remember is the last time she tried to smack me and I could out-run her... we both ended up laughing. In contrast, my father hit me on one occasion and it was utterly terrifying.
Do not beat yourself up (sorry, not meant to be a joke..) over this, mothers have a hard enough time. Look for alternative methods smile

bobbysmum07 Thu 09-Jun-11 14:31:14

Well maybe he'll think twice before throwing a bowl of pasta in your face again. Utterly appalling behaviour from a 4 year old, and not behaviour that should be tolerated. I would have done the same and I certainly wouldn't apologise.

MadamDeathstare Thu 09-Jun-11 14:40:53

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maxine5 Thu 09-Jun-11 16:11:43

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VioletV Wed 15-Jun-11 16:12:09

Well thanks bobbysmum07 I was reading the replies and thinking I was the only one who thinks a smacked side/bum or whatever will tech him not to do that again. I'm actually shocked at the replies telling the OP to apoligise. The child is wrong not the mother. Child should be apoligising not mum!

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