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When does it get better if EXP has a new woman to occupy him?

(7 Posts)
sparkleshine Mon 06-Jun-11 22:03:00

Split with EXP 3 months ago. Trying to stay friendly and amicable, despite the way he's gone about things since before we broke up.
Have 1 DS who is supposed to stay with him about 2 nights a week and spend 1 day at the weekend with him. Flexible on this due to work shift patterns and DS nursery etc. We also agreed he can come any eveing after work to see DS before bed...that has happened once..the week after we split.

Anyway, EX has a new woman, the same woman who he was 'friends' with before we split. Just decided to tell me a month a ago. He has gone on nights out when he wants, weekends away, never giving a thought that maybe I want time to go out so he can have DS for a change.

An example.....He last had DS thurs night, dropped off nursery fri morning. Since then I've had no phone calls or texts asking how DS is or what he's been up to. Just a quick text to say he will have him again thurs night. Thats a whole week without seeing him!!! This weekend just gone, didn't have him as he was 'away' again. ALSO..these full days when he has DS, was supposed to be from 10am til 8pm ish. The weekend before last, I gave DS his lunch before he picked him up at 1pm, then he wanted to drop him off at 6pm. Told him I had a life as well.

Can't understand it....he adores DS and DS adores him. Why would/could he do this?
I know it's this new woman thats getting all his attention right now but I'm getting so pissed off with it and it's not fair on our child. I'm trying to be calm and friendly but week by week it's getting worse.
What can I do?

piellabakewell Mon 06-Jun-11 22:29:38

There is nothing you can do. My DDs are 11 and 13. Their dad lives two miles away. Despite them having mobile phones and email, he will ignore them completely between visits. He went four weeks without seeing DD1 when his weekend coincided with her PGL weekend away with school (she boards). Some fathers just aren't as bothered about their children as we'd like them to be.

Meglet Mon 06-Jun-11 23:28:54

I don't think you can do anything.

XP got more and more pee-d off at seeing the DC's once he had a new GF. He was happy for the first 30 mins then got irritated when he decided he'd rather be down the pub or with her. His priority was pub / mates / new GF and he wasn't going to let his children interupt his social life, he would only see them around pub visits, pub & mates came first.

He wouldn't even see them at a contact centre. We haven't seen him in 2 years, he was a nasty piece of work though.

Maelstrom Tue 07-Jun-11 00:21:26

I think that the only thing you can do is to set a fixed routine of contact so your son has some regularity in the contact with his dad (much better than just not knowing when is the next time).

I do think, however, that you have made things too easy for him by allowing him to have contact as he pleases with no consideration for the needs of your son. Can you invite him to talk about setting a fixed contact routine? flexibility helps a lot with very involved parents but it could be the end of contact for those who are happy to turn a blind eye to the responsibilities they have toward their children.

Unfortunately, as some posters have already mentioned, it is not unusual for non resident parents to reduce contact once they embrace their new "singlehood" and unfortunately, if that happens, there is little you can do about it. sad

amberleaf Tue 07-Jun-11 01:19:24

Deffo get some defined times for contact set up.

Every other weekend [inc overnight] and maybe 1 evening during the week as a minimum.

There will come a time when you will welcome a free night at the weekend too!

redfairy Tue 07-Jun-11 08:55:07

Get your son some fixed time to see his dad. However unthinkable it may seem that your EXP wouldnt want to see his son and that you may think it's his OW, it is all down to EXP at the end of the day. It's so common as you'll see on here that once doting dads can drop/reduce contact without batting an eyelash. I'm not sure on the theory of this but to give them the benefit maybe its the only way they can cope with the separation? hmm
In my experience once a dad has broken his bond with the mother of his children that's when interest in the children wanes.
I know that's very general and there are some fantastic dads out there but I do feel that yours falls into a very common category. Acceptance might be an easier route to go down and a lot less heartache.

sparkleshine Tue 07-Jun-11 09:50:53

Thanks smile

Just text him saying 'your son is fine by the way. thanks for asking'

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