Lost and dont know what to do.(5 Posts)
Hi all Im new here and this is my first post so please be genital with me.
Im having an awful time of it, 4 weeks ago found out I was pregnant. Told my partner he said he didnt want it. We have only been together for 8 months and I had a coil fitted so thought we were covered. In any case we didnt talk about it for 2 or 3 weeks, when we did hes adamant hes breaking up with me and doesnt want this baby. Im now 10 weeks and have lots of time to sort things out. Fortunately I have a well paid job and can manage financially.
The parts Im struggling with are all the lone hospital appointments, labour on my own, visits to mid wifes etc....... yes I have many friends but that not how it should be. In addition to this 2 weeks after we broke up he said hes getting used to the idea and he wants to be part of the babys life, Im confused he doesnt want a baby but hell be part of its life, in my state of hormonal confusion and hurt by him, my response was you either want this baby or not. Im not allowing you to come and go as you see fit, seeing our baby around your cushy life, enjoying the fun parts only and when you dont have your other child (he has a 3 year old, who he has every weekend).
Am I being unreasonable in my thinking? I know its still very early days and things can change, but I cant see it.
Thanks for reading and any advice you may have.
first of all, congratulations on your pregnancy.
and i will try not to be too 'genital' with you
don't have a huge amount of advice for you, but i would say that it is still very early days. you have had a LOT of mental adjustment to do in the last 4 weeks, and so has your ex. although that doesn't justify his reaction of course.
your baby will fare better in life if he / she can have a loving bond with a father. that is something to consider for the longer term. i can also totally understand that you have no desire to be messed around by this man who has dumped you at such a vulnerable time.
as for lone hospital appointments etc - believe me, you won't be the only person doing them alone. i was married when i had my DCs but went to all of my appointments (including at least half of the scans) on my own. don't think too much about the birth at the moment. there is a lot of water to go under the bridge before then.
i can understand why you may want to cook his genitals right now - but keep talking, and see where you end up.
My ds's dad did not want me to go ahead with my pregnancy when I found out (we had been together for 5 years & wanted children) & refused to come to appointments with me, he stuck around but made my pregancy a misery, never wanting to hug my baby bump or cuddle up to feel it moving when I was in bed, all those special moments in my pregnancy were spoiled & to top it off he left me when my ds was 7 weeks old. I would have preferred him to have left at the beginning & adjusted to the situation & not been left feeling bereft of love & compassion for 40 weeks.
My advice would be to surround yourself with friends & family who really care about you & your new baby & will always be there for you. Immerse yourself in your pregnancy & enjoy every precious moment of it. Don't worry about being on your own at appointments, I would say about 75% of mums at my midwife appointments etc were on their own.
When the baby arrives your ex may change his mind but some men just cant handle the responsibility, he already has a son who he only sees at weekends so he is going to have to manage to include a new baby aswell.
The appointments aren't so bad on your own. I've done it from the word go and now I'm very near the end of my pregnancy (Thank God)
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all but then I'm stuck in my ways when it comes to my situation and without going into detail, I agree he cannot come and go when and if he pleases. You can't so why should he? I have been told I could change my mind when baby is finally here so we shall see. I think during your pregnancy you should as much as you can to be stress free. Worry about him, court or whatever route you go down when bubba is here. so whatever it is you have to do to be stress free, i suggest you do it.
Good luck and honestly, you're not alone being upduffed and single. I actually envy all those who men did stick around while they were pg.
As a single mum for 20 years now the only thing I can say to you is
"Are you ready to do it alone?"
Practical, emotional, financial, etc.
If so, go for it, and don't let a guy who hasn't sorted his own head out, never mind being a father, mess up your mind and your baby's!
My baby's dad also "forgot" coming along to hospital appts. it just showed he wasn't going to be around for the upbringing either, really. The sooner I dealt with that, the better it got.
Fact is, any of us can end up alone to bring up children, you can have the best relationship in the world, but you never know what life brings (someone I know had a fantastic husband and two toddlers, then he died in a car crash)....
there are no guarantees in life really....
All the best!
If I can do it, so can you! ;-)
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