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(13 Posts)
Newbabynewmum Tue 31-May-11 18:27:15

Sorry for my spelling in advance.

Quick qn - my EX has been warned about harassment by the police a couple of months ago. Since then my solicitor and I have told him & his solicitor numerous documented times that he needs to stop contacting me & deal with things using our solicitors.

He still won't leave me alone. But the texts aren't nasty. A couple a week. My solicitor keeps telling his solicitor to remind my EX to not contact me & I don't reply to my EX anymore.

My question is is that harassment? It's nor horrible and not a million times a day. But whatever he gets told by myself or professionals he won't listen.

Thanks x

millie30 Tue 31-May-11 20:31:47

Hi, could your solicitor apply for a non molestation order so that he isn't allowed to contact you directly anymore? I know you say he isn't being nasty, but he is ignoring your wishes and given your history with him it is causing you stress.

WelshCat Tue 31-May-11 20:58:10

I dealt with exactly this situation. exactly the same.

Unfortunately there isnt much you can do other than what you have done already, the police warned my ex too but when i continued to contact them and ask them to do something they said the laws on harrassment were shady and every officer dealt with it differently. The general opinion of the police was that while they could call him and have a 'chat' they would not be able to arrest as he was not being threatening.

My solicitor said she could not offer non-molestaion order or injunction for the same reason.

I basically just had to bite the bullet and answer the damn phone to him. Not what i wanted at all, but he seems to be as cunning as my ex and he knows if he isnt nasty or threatening to you nobody can touch him.

Sorry its not what you wanted to hear but thats what happened to me..

Newbabynewmum Tue 31-May-11 21:04:41

Thus far I've been ignoring him & answering through my solicitor. With every answer she's been repeating "can I remind your client not to contact my client directly". Its so blummin frustrating! He's 32 FFS and cant follow a simple instruction. That's what gets me. As I'm trying to be reasonable I'm not making a huge fuss but why does he get to do whatever he wants and continually ignore me?! Argh! Rant over! Thanks for the advice. I'm not sure what to do at the moment!

WelshCat Tue 31-May-11 21:25:28

I felt exactly the same, I was like what fricking person just ignores repeated police and legal warnings!? Didn't endear me to him at all.

It does take the piss tbh, and I am not proud that I took the easy way out, but I was so sick of being stressed. Sure he will fuck up again though soon enough and ill be back to it.

Feeling your pain!!

JBellingham Wed 01-Jun-11 01:12:30

Get a new phone, this may cut down the hassle, save the old phone for evidence as it may fill up with stuff you want to show people later.

Newbabynewmum Thu 02-Jun-11 17:09:16

He's just rang me to tell me that the people who tun the kennels that we used to use (he's kept the dogs) their baby is in intensive care. Not very nice. but WTF?! I don't even know them! I used their kennel about 4 times. Such a strange lonely man!!! I feel like shouting leave me alone!

suburbophobe Thu 02-Jun-11 19:18:38

Go no contact, buy a new phone, or get a new sim card (if you have sim free) and only give the nr to your solicitor and family and friends who can be trusted.

He is playing a power game with you, just refuse to play!

WelshCat Thu 02-Jun-11 19:44:14

that is a bit fucked up. he sounds just like my ex. id say from experience that chances are he wont leave you alone coz he wants you back. mine thought if he could only speak to me i would be bowled over by his charm and run back to him. arrogance is blinding.

scurryfunge Thu 02-Jun-11 19:57:56

WelshCat, you have been ill advised. OP, he is pursuing a course of conduct (by constantly calling, texting) and he can be dealt with under the Harassment Act, there doesn't need to be any violence -you just need to feel harassed by the conduct. The fact that Police have warned him suggests it has been made clear to him that any future contact will be deemed as harassment, so he has no excuse to say "I didn't realise".

WelshCat Fri 03-Jun-11 13:27:19

the police were aware of the harrassment act, but they did stress that if they arrested him and it went to court he would get nothing more than a caution, so they were not willing to pursue. obvs i am not happy with that but thats what i was told repeatedly. also a few of the officers told me that as i had a baby with him i was to expect some sort of contact from his regardless to what they/solicitor told him. pissed me off to hear that. coz surely you cant just harass someone because they happen to be the mother of your child.. all the more reason not to i would have thought...

scurryfunge Fri 03-Jun-11 13:55:57

You need to make a complaint then about how that was dealt with then. If what they have said is true then they have seriously failed you.

WelshCat Sun 05-Jun-11 20:26:12

yeah i agree. i gave up in the end and backed down, started talking to ex again as i had no other choice. it takes the piss that unless he was being abusive they would not help. but thats life i guess! didnt help that all the cops were male and had kids, one of them even said he couldnt imagine not be allowed to see his child etc, and said as much on the phone to my ex, they mostly took his side.

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