Why do I put myself under so much pressure?(6 Posts)
I have 2 young children. I have the usual problems with the ex, I have a lovely boyfriend, and I have a full time job.
The problem is, I feel under so much pressure to be the perfect mum, the perfect employee, the perfect girlfriend, and I've no idea why. Nobody else is putting me under any pressure - it's all my own doing.
It doesn't take much to make me feel like a complete failure, and I've no idea why I am so hard on myself. Last week was terrible because the kids were playing up and I didn't feel I could cope. I felt like a shit mother and a failure.
Any ideas how I can be less hard on myself?
Sleeping It is hard being a mom especially when you have to carry the burden on your own, while working full time and just wanting everything in life to be perfect when you've been through such a tough time. Not really sure what I can say to help you through, but try not to be so hard on yourself. Life is hard work and none of us are perfect (especially not me!!), take things a day at a time and find time to be you and enjoy the things in life that you want. Sometimes as moms we loose ourselves inthe hustle and bustle of our busy lives. BUt be good to yourself and make time for you even if its just relaxing in a hot bath or reading a few pages of a book so that you remember who you are and that life in general is not perfect but we have to make the best of every situation that comes along.
Sure others will be along with m ore advice
say every day "i am a good enough mother/girlfriend/employee"
maybe book oyurself in for some CBT type sessiosn with a good therapist? get out of this pattern of thinking?
Thanks for your replies.
I could see the point in feeling like this if I was being put down all the time, but that was years ago and I've moved on. Damn it's hard trying to be perfect.
I do take some time to myself when the kids are at their dad's, but then I feel guilty for spending it with my boyfriend instead of cleaning my house. I think I need to be cloned
I've had CBT in the past for PND, and I hated it at the time, although it did work. I never thought of applying it to this situation.
I am also guilty of perfectionitis, and used to spend most of my time feeling I was not doing a good enough job as a mother or an employee. But guess what? You're doing a brilliant job. And worrying about being 'good enough' is an indication that you want to do the best you can. And it sounds like you are doing brilliantly. I've got two young children as well, and work part-time, and have made the decision to stop beating myself up about everything. My children are clothed, fed and happy, and I bet yours are too. It is normal to have days where you feel you can't cope (I have a v tricky four year old and he drives me MAD on a fairly regular basis). Most Mums have days like this. Forget the hoovering, and go and have some fun. You're sooo worth it!
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