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So I'm comfort eating again ....

(10 Posts)
Newbabynewmum Fri 27-May-11 20:44:05

apologies, I fear this could be a long one.

To sum it all up I am struggling. I know there's nothing anyone on here can do but rather than sitting about getting upset I guess writing on here is a better alternative.

My DD is 8mo - she is teething. She generally sleeps poorly and this has got even worse. She is an absolute joy & like everyone on here feels she makes my life worthwhile.

I left her dad when she was 2mo. I can now see that not only was he taking drugs but throughout our relationship he was highly emotionally and at times physically abusive. He drove me lower so I felt I needed him more and this continued round and round. Having my DD made me see him for what he was and I left him - middle of the night filled up the car style.

He sees our DD at a contact centre but is being difficult, we are starting mediation but I fear this will not come to anything and he will take me to court. I do have a brilliant soliciotr though so that is a good thing.

I have dramatically improved from when I left him. I am happy. My friends and family say that they have not seen me so happy in years. I have also lost a lot of weight (slimming world & push the pram lots!) - all positives.

We have a great social life in the day - see lots of friends and family and I am very happy. However in the evenings I have started to dip really low again, I am struggling.

My brother turns 21 next month and is battling depression - he recently stopped taking his AD's without telling anyone and became suicidal. Because of this I don't feel I can turn to my Mum much at the moment. I had a lot of help and attention when I left my DD's Dad and I want people to focus on my brother now, he needs it.

Sorry to just rant. I don't even know what I'm asking. How do you stop feeling lonely I suppose? How do you lift yourselves when you feel this way? Is this normal?

Thanks so much for reading this if you got to the end x

flirty30 Fri 27-May-11 23:33:16

I got to the end! Not sure of what help I can be but we have slimming world in common!

You have been through a lot and seem to have a really strong and sensible head on. I am not sure how you would stop feeling lonely- perhaps start a new hobby that you could do at home or invite friends over one evening a week. I started learning to knit through you tube- I was going to make a fortune bringing back the tea cosy but I could only knit squares! Random I know!

Chin up and best of luck with things. x

gillybean2 Sat 28-May-11 12:38:47

Do you have a wii fit? Or one of those step machines? If not can you afford one? If you feel like comfort eating of an evening hop on that instead. Then if you still feel like eating too you'll have burned up a few calories along with it!

I'm trying to find a solution myself but have a dodgy knee so it's not quite so simple sad

Newbabynewmum Sat 28-May-11 14:28:55

I don't have a wii fit - they do sound good though!

You're right - I do need a hobby. Something other than tv to spend some of the evening doing. I am going to get thinking! Ive ordered some cheap books off amazon as I've started reading again - hopefully that will help.

Thanks guys xxx

Doowrah Sun 29-May-11 22:56:07

I know lots of single mums who used this quiet time to hatch their own business ideas which then took off and allowed them the financial freedom to go on holidays, pay for part-time courses and indulge themselves and their own interests...the world is your lobster!!! All power to you...

gillybean2 Mon 30-May-11 17:32:10

Doowrah - Wow, how many is lots?
I know of one, but she had a new partner by then anyhow and happily leaves her dc with minders etc. She is very determined to get where she wants to be.

Most of the single parents I know struggle with loneliness, financial hardship and are trying to get through from one day to the next. A lot of them don't work because of childcare and self esteem issues.

OP please don't feel like you are the only one. Lots of us go through this, and many still are (including me!). It is a struggle but things will get better and easier for you.
At least you have recognised that the comfort eating isn't a good thing and are trying to find alternatives. But there's not much else to do of an evening bank holiday, weekend when you're on your own again and tied to the house because of the dc, not much money and no matter how hard you try and make friendships people are just too busy with their own lives.
Personally I spend far too much time on MN! grin

Newbabynewmum Mon 30-May-11 18:47:47

Weekends are the worst I find - only cause a my friends r busy with their families! Everyone is happy to chat and do things in the week but (understandably) have family time when their DP is not working.

I'm ok, thanks. I do spend a lot of time on MN now! I don't have any single mum friends and it's nice to have people who relate to me a bit & be able to read things and think "I know exactly what u mean"

I was going to throw away my salad I bought for tea and put a pizza in the oven. I'm going to stick with the salad now smile thanks gillybean

bitofthisandthat Mon 30-May-11 21:54:48

i hate the weekends too, have just spend practically 3 whole days on my own (dc at dads) apart from sat night where I went out and drunk too much.
I read a lot, try writing, shopping etc, but i still feel very much alone.
I did work full time but recently lost my job due to some horrible situation so my self esteem very low too. A few of my old colleagues deleted me from Fbk straight away too, so am feeling rather paranoid.

Just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Doowrah Mon 30-May-11 22:50:36

Hi there gillybean2 I am one of the single parents who struggles with loneliness, financial hardship and getting through each day and have done for 11 years; I know how hard it is but I do know of 5 women who have done what I suggested in my original thread and was only trying to be positive and encouraging.

happygolucky0 Tue 07-Jun-11 22:21:48

Hi NewMummy

my child is in his teens now but when he was small I did feel quite alone alot. I would look after friends little ones for them so that it would give me a free night/day for when I had abit of money to spend.
This lead on to childminding for 10 years!!
I expect most people will be willing to have a free nights sitting.
I also would do all my housework and cook a meal at luchtime. Then go out after lunch (could take sandwiches ect with you) then I would only need to be home early evening to settle little one to sleep which didnt seem as long alone sometimes.(good for the warmer evenings) hope that helps alittle x

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