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If a single man told you this

(28 Posts)
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Thu 26-May-11 15:31:14

that his wife is currently divorcing him because she is mentally ill, menopausal and suffers from low self esteem

what would you think?

Sapphirefling Thu 26-May-11 15:33:16

I would run a mile.

VioletV Thu 26-May-11 15:34:22

Honestly? And this is just because of my current situation. I'd think he was lying and hiding something. Why the need to go into great detail?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Thu 26-May-11 15:38:36

this is what my STBX is saying to other women about me.

What I can't get my head around is why they buy it.

Also, when I'm in bed he has his late night chats on MSN with women from POF and tells them i'm overweight and the complains to them that the house is dirty!

I'm not THAT bothered, just can't understand why the other women seem to think it's ok.

He'll be gone in 2 weeks thank god. can't wait to see the back of him, abusive twunt.

corlan Thu 26-May-11 15:42:15

It's the sort of thing I might have have believed when I was much younger and much stupider.
Now, I would think 'what a tosser' and 'his wife will be better offl rid of him'.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Thu 26-May-11 15:44:26

Even though I can't wait to see the back of him. it really hurts to know he does this.

One women in particular thinks the sun shines out of his arse.

purplepidjin Thu 26-May-11 15:44:48

I would think "why isn't he being more supportive of her" but then I'm a total weirdo when it comes to men hmm (single for 5 years before risking it on lovely dp)

laptopwieldingharpy Thu 26-May-11 15:49:17

I guess you understand this means serious shag then run......if you have the guts for a guiltless trip

LittleWhiteHeart Thu 26-May-11 16:17:24

Aw ... if only you could let all the women he's chatting to know that he's chatting to other women ... then they might get the message!

I never did understand why us girls aren't there for each other a bit more - even if we're not 'friends' in the traditional sense, we're still sisters! Blokes seem to get the camaraderie thing!

Just remember what goes around, comes around! smile

lubeybooby Thu 26-May-11 16:18:52

I would think he was a knob and steer well clear. Surely the only women who fall for that must be very vulnerable. Ugh what an awful thing sad

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Thu 26-May-11 16:25:48

yes, i think she must be vulnerable sad like i was when he met me.

another question, hope someone can help me try to fathom it.

When he says I've got low self esteem how does he know this? I didn't know myself until very recently? Is it because he's been deliberating causing the low self esteem.

lubeybooby Thu 26-May-11 16:36:08

It could be just totally made up for the sake of making you sound bad/mad etc

TechLovingDad Thu 26-May-11 16:38:31

I take it he's looking for young / vulnerable women, as opposed to independent, strong ones as they'd tell him to piss off.

MumblingRagDoll Thu 26-May-11 16:45:44

I would think he waas a hard hearted wankshaft!

tethersend Thu 26-May-11 16:49:09

Don't worry, the woman who thinks the sun shines out of his arse is probably a hairy handed trucker called Dave.

VioletV Thu 26-May-11 16:53:44

Oh honey. As easy as it is please take no notice. My ex has turned people against me. He's made out I have mental issues, that I'm unreasonable, that I'm unstable, blah, blah blah. Honestly the reason he left me came out a few weeks ago. He was cheating with some woman. I'm still sat here wondering what type of woman goes out with a so called man who leaves a woman pregnant? Says it all really. The truth always comes out in the wash. Some women and men have no shame. X

sunshineandbooks Thu 26-May-11 16:54:42

I've sympathy with you for this. My XP went round telling everyone I has PND and that I was an evil manipulative bitch who told loads of lies about him. All untrue of course. I couldn't set the record straight because (a) despite being the one allegedly suffering from PND he was leaving DC in my care 100% so I was pretty much housebound, (b) going round chasing everyone he'd spoken to tell them my side of the story would simply have confirmed I was bonkers. I preferred quiet dignity and to let time do the rest.

Doesn't mean it didn't hurt at the time and my sense of justice was really outraged. So I feel for you OP.

Just keep telling yourself it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks and that these other women are to be pitied if they fall for it. Try not to feel stung that they may be believing everything he says. One day, you'll wake up and realise that you actually believe it.

Also take comfort in the fact that time will eventually come to expose your STBX for what he is. By the time that happens, however, you probably won't give a damn any more.

sunshineandbooks Thu 26-May-11 16:56:36

FWIW, 10 years ago I'd have fallen for it. Not so anymore.

I have this theory that this is why abusive men tend to end up with younger and younger girlfriends.

mrsravelstein Thu 26-May-11 16:57:42

my exh told everyone, including, oh for instance, work colleagues and my family, that i was a lesbian and that that's why i wasn't happy with him. truly bizarre.

TechLovingDad Thu 26-May-11 16:59:10

A friend of mine has an ex who is a serial fatherer (if that's a word). He targets young lonely women, usually single mums. butters them up with bullshit, supposedly falls in love with them and wants to marry them within weeks, doesn't "believe" in contraception. Gets them pregnant then once they have his child, he buggers off.
He actually believes that being a good dad begins and ends with being able to ejaculate. He's an absolute tosser, unfortunately so many young women fall for him.

TechLovingDad Thu 26-May-11 17:00:23

mrsravelstein, my ex told everyone that i didnt want to sleep with her because I was gay. Nothing to do with her being a hateful person. Still, she also told the court, during our divorce, that I raped her and was a paedophile. She actually thought that would make me stop the divorce and go back to her.

sunshineandbooks Thu 26-May-11 17:04:47

shock at some of these! Good that we can grin at them now though. You too will learn to laugh at your STBX NotSuchASmugMarriedNow.

TechLovinDad and mrsravelstein - my XP accused me of being a lesbian once as well. Do you think they all go to the same lets-spread-lies-about-our-xs school? It's amazing the similarities they all come out with.

TechLovingDad Thu 26-May-11 17:07:01

sunshine, it's amazing what some "controlling" people will say when they feel threatened. I did have a drunken phone call from her once "i know i treated you badly, i should have treated you better, now i've lost you". Me: "Yep, goodbye".

sunshineandbooks Thu 26-May-11 17:12:16


bochead Thu 26-May-11 20:32:40

OP - I'd think his wife REALLY understands him and wants to offload the sleazy ball of slime in order to regain her dignity asap ; )

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