Me and ex split up in February. Everything is very messy as mediation fell apart this week as he would not accept any of the proposed financial settlements and is trying to make out I'm being unreasonable about access as well.
Since we split, he has been manipulating 4 year old DD to get his own way. The minute he left he told her he was getting his own place and would get beds so she could stay with him and said mummy would get her own place "eventually" (me and kids living at mum and dad's at mo) without explaining properly to he where she would live. Once he found somewhere to rent (we were both still liable for the mortgage on another property at this point btw) he told her she was staying over and I had to give in and let her stay. I know I would have had to let her stay eventually but I didn't like the way she was being put in the middle of this decision.
Ex is Irish his family all still live there and they rarely came to visit us. Now DD is asking me when we're going to Ireland and see her auntie. It's obvious that he's put this idea in her head as she's never asked this before and when she got her presents from his family at Christmas she couldn't actually remember who they were. He obviously also hadn't explained that he planned to take them without me!
At mediation this week he brought up the issue of taking the children over to Ireland which I wasn't surprised about after what DD has been saying. I really don't want him to take them there - I think it's too far away from me, DS (just turned 2) hasn't had overnights with his dad yet, the children don't really know his family as they've only seen them once a year and when we did visit they didn't pay children much attention anyway, I have worries about how he would cope with the journey with the 2 of them and I'd also have worries about their welfare whilst there were there - who would look after them if their dad was asked to help on the farm and dd is really scared of the dogs.
So I wish there was something I could do to stop him promising her things that we haven't agreed yet. She has enough to get her little head around at the moment.
I'm also thinking that the only way he'd be able to take them would be to get a specific issue order and he probably wouldn't be able to get this in place before the summer holidays anyway. Anyone got any experience of this sort of thing.
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ex manipulating DD
43 replies
mrscolour · 21/05/2011 16:26
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