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Letter to my Ex

(9 Posts)
Sapphirefling Thu 12-May-11 19:59:32

Yet another exchange when you leave me feeling shell shocked and worthless. You chose to reduce the amount of time that you spend with your children again and expect them and me to just accept it. So that you can spend more time with her. We didn't chose any of this. You took our ability to chose away when you had an affair. It tears my heart out every time you drive away with the kids. I was born to be a mum and I love the kids so much it hurts. You have no idea how scary the prospect of having to spend more than 2 weeks away from my babies this summer is. I know that it has to happen, I know that you have 'rights', I know that I have to accept the fact that someday another woman will be part of their lives.
I know that you don't care about my feelings. I know that you don't care about the devastation that you have caused. I know that you don't think about the marriage vows that we made, and the stupid bloody hopes and dreams that lie shattered.
I know you blame me. I know that you couldn't cope with the changes that happened in our relationship when the kids came along. I know how useless you were when I needed help with them when they were tiny. I know how stupid I was when I let you hurt me. Again and again.
I am scared about how you being the way you are will affect the kids. I am so desperate for you to show some emotional intelliegence, some compassion and some tenderness.
But you won't. I've said all this to your face. I've written it down in emails. but it makes no difference.
So later on, when the children are asleep, I'll go to bed and cry a bit. Then I'll get up in the morning and get organised for work and school. Paint a smile on my face and keep my little family together.
And wait for the next blow that you strike.

macdoodle Thu 12-May-11 21:34:00

DO NOT SEND IT!!
You've got it all out, now destoy it, go to bed have a cry and get up, and ignore him. Try and show him you dont care, and eventually you wont.

SimpleSingleDad Thu 12-May-11 21:48:29

btw - he doesn't have any rights - his children do, but he doesn't.

He won't show any of those things, so you need to also view the relationship as a professional arrangement (for want of a better expression). Take your emotions out of it as much as you can, fake it for now until it becomes real.

You'll never know why, other than he felt that he could, and so he did.

He does not deserve the attention of your emotions.

Have a hug, and a glass of wine smile

BelleDameSansMerci Thu 12-May-11 21:51:24

SimpleSingleDad is absolutely spot on...

Sapphirefling Thu 12-May-11 22:14:00

Thank you all smile

Macdoodle - I didn't send it but was it's therapeutic to pretend that I did!!
Everyday am getting stronger and i know that some day, I won't care. Just having a bit of a wobble but tomorrow is a new day and I don't have to deal with him at all for 3 weeks!

SimpleSingleDad Thu 12-May-11 22:23:23

it's therapeutic to find a way to get the anger out - wii boxing is great as it gets you fit, too grin

The very best therapy is to have him realise that you're utterly ambivalent about him, especially when you realise that yourself.

Anything you want to rant / moan about, here's the place to do it grin

<preens a bit from BDSM's praise>

makemineapinot Fri 13-May-11 00:10:06

sad I could have wriiten that sad - take care, be strong, you will do it alone and he will hate you for it - cos of course he is expecting you to crumble because your "man" isn't around. I am crap at DIY - but the first picture I put up by myself and stayed up felt fab!!!! You will get there. We all sound off on here (I name change a lot cos of psycho NW). Don't want Simple single dad to get big headed but he's right!!! When your babies go with him for a week or 2, make sure you have something organised. When my ex (when he still wanted to see our dc) first took them for a week I went to France for a few days on a cheap break - getting stressy texts from him in Butlins while I was sipping wine in the square in Boulogne (not that exotic but I felt a million dollars!!) was the best medicine ever!

mellowdramatic Wed 18-May-11 20:40:23

I could have written this letter when xh had his affair and left. I'm almost at the two year point now and it's true - that seems to be how long it takes to get over someone.

I realise now that I'm better off without him. I really enjoy my leisure time with kids, I'm happier day to day without a third child to look after, I don't have to live with his selfish ways.

It does upset me if i think about what could have been - I used to be a smug married with what i though was a wonderful and strong family unit. So i try to keep so busy that i don't have time to think about it - not hard with kids to look after!

You sound like things are very raw but they will get better.

amberleaf Sun 05-Jun-11 19:46:15

Simplesingledad is right.

Honestly it will get better but you have to remove his ability to affect you like this, the only way is to realise that you can never appeal to his better nature as he doesnt appear to have one!

I know its hard but you have to let go of what just didnt work out and look to the future..which is in your control.

You are in control of YOU now, dont allow his shit make you feel like this.

He is her problem now.

Wishing you happier times ahead smile

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