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are villages good places for families to live?

(13 Posts)
mopsera Tue 10-May-11 05:55:26

hi anyone else share this problem? we have tried moving to a village from a town and im stunned by the inbred / petty gossip/ 'you're not from round ere' attitude of a few residents. plus we have neighbours ( in social housing) who think they have more of 'right' to be here as they have a local connection ( despite the fact they themselves were new once ) so childish!and there is some mild psychological bullying as we arent joining in...

justmenow Tue 10-May-11 06:29:01

Villages have good and bad points - but everyone tends to know everything about you and yes lots of petty gossip

bermudaotter Tue 10-May-11 06:30:15

Social housing an issue for you is it ?

Its my humble opinion that if you choose to move to a village then you should try to integrate yourself as much as possible,whether you want to or not.
Isolation isnt the answer unless thats what you want and if it is ..............why bother raising this thread.

onadifferentplanettoday Tue 10-May-11 07:00:31

We did a house exchange last year from a town to a villiage,it has taken time to settle in but you just have to persevere smile and say hello to the neighbours and try and get involved with things going on in the villiage.My dc are at secondary school and I think I might have settled quicker with younger children as I would have met other mums at play group or the school gate. I am dong some voluntary work which has really helped me to get to know people.Yes there is a minority who do think like the people you mention in your OP but I just try to ignore it. Now I have got to know people I have found the one family who are unwelcoming in our road have actually not been here much longer than I have!

Gster Tue 10-May-11 07:25:57

I grew up in a little village and couldn't have wished for a better environment to grow up in. Yes there is petty mindedness, ignorance and gossip, you just have to be a bit thick skinned as they'll all be talking about the new strangers from town.... arrrrrr. Be patient, try and get involved with the local community.

To be frank, you aren't from round there, yet, try to flatter them by asking about local information, walks, local history etc.

Give it ten years and you'll be the one peeking out at the new comers. :-)

DorisDoesntDance Tue 10-May-11 22:56:27

love my village. only been here a few months, but they are very inclusive. i don't like crowds and crowded places, so a town would be fine, but a city is just beyond me!

for me, i love being able to know everyone here, but I think gossip is inevitable.

When it comes to the sense of entitlement; i think it depends on what's been going on there in the last ten years. so many of the villages near mine are ghost towns now - all bought up by second home owners, or by families that only move there for the good school, but don't make any contribution or have any involvement in the local community.

In my experience, if you throw yourself in there - make an effort to meet people, pass the time of day with them and share your skills (or conversely ask for their help!) then people are very welcoming.

ItsaGreyDay Tue 10-May-11 23:00:23

I lived in a village when the DC were first born and I can relate to the experiences of being alienated as newcomers and petty gossip. I felt very judged as a lone parent and because I was very busy with the kids all the time, I could never break into their social circles. The village school had a very traditional approach to learning too which didn't suit the DC at all.

We moved after three years to central London and it's the best thing I could have done. People are more accepting but still friendly and there are more activities and options available for the children. The school is more inclusive and the DC get to learn about different cultures just through their friends.

Astramum Fri 13-May-11 06:50:42

I can also relate to being alienated. We moved to this village almost a year ago, and it has been very difficult to be included in anything. My son has struggled to make friends, even though he goes to the same school as many of the other children.
When they are all back in the village, he is told they don't want him here as he doesn't belong!

I have tried to mix and I am friendly with everyone, and like It'saGreyDay, it is very hard to break into those social circles. When we have attended any village things, we are ignored. There seems to be this clique, that will just not allow newcomers in.
It does make you wonder just how hard you have to try to be included. We moved here as my sister and her family live here, if it wasn't for that we would move.

I really hadn't expected it to be so difficult to live in a village.

coccyx Fri 13-May-11 07:00:04

That has not been my experience.
I love our village, though I do keep myself to myself.
hate living in a city

mummytime Fri 13-May-11 09:05:10

Different places have different atmospheres including how welcoming they are. A friend had a very similar experience in a small town, eg. when they heard she hadn't gone to a local school no-one spoke to her at toddler groups.

Some villages are suspicious of outsiders who come in and buy all the properties for inflated prices and then don't get involved. If you can show you are willing to be involved in village life then you should settle in okay. Making one or two friendships can open doors to lots of others.

Good luck!

ninah Fri 13-May-11 15:56:10

they are like 'the wicker man' minus the singing and britt ekland

mopsera Mon 16-May-11 07:46:07

thanks. well, we HAVE tried to be good tenents and neighbours; we never grass up our neighbours who are often noisy drunk, messy. treat the garden like an ashtray/cat/dog litter tray, and we have done some gardening/ cleaned the hallway every week ( have noe given up as no one else does it )have bought toys for the kids downstairs etc etc. we are freindly and the older gen are fine/ nice with us, we do have ppl we can talk to, its just the nieighbours who seem to resent us.thier family/ freinds blank us including one sour faced cow who serves us in the local shop; not nice! you feel like a leper! but we are looking to swop though it may take a while...villages are not what i thought they were at least not this one!

littlemum007 Sun 29-May-11 11:13:04

Living in a village is like walking into a black and white Hammer House of Horror movie - you walk in and then all those sitting at the bar, slowing turn around with their pints in their hands and stare you! Don't worry, you re not paranoid they really are like that. No sooner had my family moved to the open prison of the countryside, then we were begging to return home to civilisation. Moving to a village was easy, getting out of one was nigh on impossible but we did manage it, and now we're home, utterly broke but happy.

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