How can I find a decent man?(6 Posts)
In the 3 years since my childrens Dad left, I've had 3 BFs, 1st kind but a rebound relationship, 2nd bi polar (not easy) 3rd seemed perfect, he lived in the next road, good looking, own business, simular age, good Dad, exciting, taught me to Scuba Dive, Went camping, swimming etc etc. Should have known it was too good to be true. He gradually became more & more controlling, critising my weight, choice of clothes & parenting skills. Isolating me from family & friends. I am not stupid, don't know how I let it happen. We split a few times before the final split on boxing day. He kept me secret from his friends when we got back together (although I still saw his parents & had he's boys to stay @ my house alternate weekends). He removed me from FB saying he just wanted diving stuff on there not personal. Now know he had a new GF as soon as we split & has her fotos & comments all over fb. I know it sounds childish but it really hurt. Left with V little confidence & a damaged front door which he's yet to commit to repairing. After 7 months eating & sleeping in my home whenever he wanted I feel used. Why did he think it was ok to behave this way? I know there are no real answers anyone can give me, but writing all this down is good therapy! Man break for me for the forseeable!
Wow! Are you me?
I've been diveroced for 3 years and in that time had 3 boyfriends too - no.1 was around for 18 months then ditched me because he couldn't handle the 'whole package' (two kids, one with autism), no.2 was a narcissistic idiot and no.3 was lovely and I thought he was my soul mate. Seems he doesn't agree! Now just wants to be friends - kinda rather he'd just kicked me in the teeth and had done with it!
I do sympathise, truly. It can feel hopeless and every knock back sets your confidence back too doesn't it? For what it's worth, your no.3 guy sounds like a complete control freak. I know I could tell you to forget all about him, he's not worth it, etc. but it doesn't help with the obsessive thoughts does it? If I let myself, I would think about my ex all the time - after he finished it, I'd run imaginary conversations with him over and over in my head! There are Neuro-Linguistic Programming techniques you can use to try to minimise these sorts of thoughts and to boost your confidence. I'm a big advocate of Paul McKenna (good stuff for free on Lorraine website at the mo). I felt like he was talking directly to me in 'I Can Mend Your Broken Heart'. Might be worth a try so that you can move on. Don't give up on finding Mr Right. And I hope you feel better abpout it all soon.
Thanks for good advice, yes he was a control freak but doesn't stop it hurting. Family & friends have been telling me to get shot for a long while. Just so wanted it to work & now faced with the reality of being alone again. Yes I go through all the conversations & scenrios in my head, not helpful! Disappointed as don't want my kids to met a string of different men. My Dad was very unreliable & my xh was in the Marines & had an affair & lived in 2 houses for 2 years before i found out! Needless to say I have a few issues with trust. Luckily I have a great GP & am about to start counselling, so fingers crossed for a happier future. I hope you find Mr Right to
Remember that being single is great. And infinitely better than putting up with a dickhead, cocklodger, parasite or abuser just to be able to say you're 'in a relationship'.
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