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Advice needed pretty please

(10 Posts)
LoneLou Tue 11-Jan-11 11:11:33

Basic history - me and my ex split 5 months ago, we were together 10 years, we have an 8 yr old son and he has a new girlfriend after just couple of weeks of us splitting. The other day he introduced our son to his new girlfriend and her 2 children, but he didnt tell me he was going to do this which upset me coz we've been getting on ok and we agreed we would tell each other before introducing anyone but hey im trying not to get into an argument or anything.

Thing is my son is so excited, which is good, but quite annoying at the same time keeps going on about her telling me all about her and telling me hes going to sleep round her house now daddy has moved in, something else I wasnt told about - What does everyone think, am I over reacting? i can take it lol.

Another thing which my ex has informed me about, he states that if I was to ever stop him seeing son he could legally take son off me for refusing this, which I would never do. ????

Niceguy2 Tue 11-Jan-11 11:29:36

Ok firstly well done you for not overreacting.

YANBU for being upset. You'd agreed to discuss it before introducing any new BF/GF's into your child's life and he's not honoured that agreement.

However, in practice what can you do? Well you could go mad about it and claim it will somehow be emotionally confusing for your child or other such bollocks. However, everyone will understand that really what its about is just upset feelings.

Five months is not a long time to have split up. I've been split from my ex for 9 years. A key lesson to learn is when to pick your battles. This is one of them.

He's probably expecting some big reaction which he can then point out to his new GF. Ie. "Look, i told you the bitch was crazy!" If you ignore it then you deny him that satisfaction. In fact, really confuse him and wish him luck.

Just make a mental note that whats good enough for the goose is good enough for the gander. So when you are ready to date then there's really no need to get into discussions with him about when its the "right time" to introduce your son to your new BF.

Hope that makes sense.

LoneLou Tue 11-Jan-11 11:38:12

Yeah I understand which is why im trying not to react in anyway, but with my son saying he wants to go stay with daddy at his new house etc etc its awful makes me feel worthless really.

Good advice thanks. do you know any of the legal things about ex taking son off me etc?

tomhardyismydh Tue 11-Jan-11 11:48:50

your ex will probably not stand a chance in court of getting full residance of your son, however I would most definatly never ever stop your son and his dad seeing each other .The result of this will be a long difficult, emotional and expensive court case with the end result being a court order for contact and possibly shared residency.

I would calmly just mention, and not infront of your son that you are surprised at his actions and although you are greatfull ds is happy that it would have been curtiouse to have mentioned this to you firstly.

you are doing well in not over reacting but this will be probably be one of many many incidents over the next 15 years where you may not agree with exp actions but have to pick your battles well.

Niceguy2 Tue 11-Jan-11 14:30:39

He doesnt stand a chance on the taking your son bit. Just smile and laugh if he suggests it again. Dunno who he's been talking to but it certainly wasnt a solicitor

elastamum Tue 11-Jan-11 14:39:43

I would just ignore him. He is being a twat and him saying he will take your son is just mean and isnt going to happen.

At least your son is happy which is the most important thing. What is more worrying is how it makes you feel about yourself. Try not to take it too hard. It is much easier for men to move on as most dont have the responnsibility of caring for their children in the aftermath of a break up. Be kind to yourself, you are doing your best and it isnt always easy. smile

giddyteeniwish Wed 12-Jan-11 14:28:24

Hiya reading your post was a little like reading my own , the same kind of thing happened to me this weekend regarding my ex and dd i however could not keep composure and did go mad .....its hard !!!!i am at the same stage as you its barely 6 months but now 5 days on i think i am starting to get a grip and i hate the fact that he has so much effect on me emotionally still .......you should be really proud of the fact you kept calm im afraid my mouth has a mind of its own at times lol ......but i am trying

portaloo Wed 12-Jan-11 17:10:56

Just adding that before I had residency of DD, police and sol told me that since XP and me both have PR, and residency had not been decided, XP had as much right to take DD where he wanted for as long as he wanted as I did. It was all seen as an amicable arrangement, and without a residency order, we both had as much right to have DD live with us.

Hope that makes sense. Typing and playing with DD at same time.

portaloo Wed 12-Jan-11 17:12:12

Agree with the other posts by NiceGuy2 though.

LoneLou Thu 13-Jan-11 11:15:26

Thanks everyone, put my mind at ease slightly. My Ex doesn't have parental rights Ive checked that out, we were never married and our son was born before the date parental rights was issued to non married fathers.

Giddyteeniwish trust me I do go mad and its very hard to keep calm when hes barking his orders at me, and like you say he does still have an effect on me emotional its like he just wants to keep kicking me when im down. Hes just changed so much since we split.......or is it just that im realising now what hes really like???

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