Not sure what I should do...(4 Posts)
Blimey. I couldn't even figure out a title for this one. I shall try to keep it brief. There are two parts to it I suppose...
Background: Ex left ds and I a long time ago. He was violent when he got drunk - he was drunk a lot and was an absolute bastard to me. He had an affair and left us for his o/woman. Ds has been having regular w/e contact with him. Ex is an irresponsible twat. Ex and partner have a child together.
Ds went at the w/e as usual. He came back upset and knackered. Ex had been extremely drunk Sat night and was violent towards his partner. Ds was terrified and had to also comfort his 2 yo sister who he was in a bedroom with. He now says he doesn't want to go back to his dad's as he doesn't feel safe. We have a court order in place as he took me to court 6 years ago - I had stopped overnight contact because of his behaviour. He made me look like a lunatic in court and nobody believed me. I was told at the time that I MUST stick to the order. Ds is 11 now so I'm guessing that his wishes and the events would override what I was told then.
Ds wants me to talk to his dad, which I am quite prepared to do. But I guess I need input as to what is the 'right' thing to do here. Obv. ds's wellbeing is paramount. If he feels unsafe then I won't make him go. It looks as if ex and his partner are brushing the incident under the carpet - are ds and I supposed to do this too? After all it's their relationship... but it affects ds so we can't can we? And I feel awful for his partner and their daughter - I feel like I should offer support but suspect she would be mortified and doubt she would ever leave him or get help anyway. We are not friends and she has openly ridiculed me in the past about 'my little fairy stories' regarding his violence. But still...
So, what do I do about it all?
Ex has just called and asked to have ds for an extra day on his next w/e. I told him that there was a bit of a problem with that as ds had told me he didn't want to come as he didn't feel safe after this visit. Ex asked what he had told me and I just said he told me that they had a very big fight and that he was awake throughout and very scared. His response was that it was a big argument, but everybody argues and everything is fine now. And he's calling ds later to tell him not to be silly!
think you better ask WA or someone at Gingerbread or your ex lawyer...SS...whoever has already been involved in this case on what is best to do as it is a pressing matter
Take time and maybe do not take call if you havent got answers / clear idea in your head
Thanks JFTO - I also posted this in WWYD as wasn't sure where best to put it. Been discussing it on there more. Thanks for input
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