Helping ds fit in @ senior school

[StellaBrillante]

I thought I'd post this here as other LPs would probably appreciate more how difficult it can be to get involved with school life and dcs' social life etc when you are doing it all on your own.

DS started senior school in September and he loves it. However, he's by nature very sociable but because he moved schools a couple of times in the past, he seems a bit in limbo at the moment where he's happily let go of his friends from previous school but is still getting to know the new boys. We live very far away from his new school, more than most of his friends even though only a very small minority actually live within where the school is.

Two things prompted me to write this thread: 1. ds' birthday is in a couple of weeks and we can't work out what to do (and I sense ds is fearing rejection if a lot of the boys say that they can't come); 2. ds said that he felt pretty lonely over the Christmas period as he ended up only seeing one friend over a 2 1/2 week period.

I have tried to encouraged him to arrange meeting up to go to the cinema etc but the other boys don't really seem interested. I've always worked full time so pretty much missed out on the socialising with other parents when ds was younger. I am now trying to make more time and have signed up to help at pa events but other than that, no idea...! Until we can move closer to where everyone else lives, is there anything I could be doing?

[nappyaddict]

Does he do any out of school activities or clubs?

[gillybean2]

No advice but wanted to let you know you are not alone.

Am having many of the same issues with my ds, although he finds it hard to make friends and it took him a good couple of years at primary to find a group of friends, party because lots of children come and go but also the classes have split year groups in them so they tend to move class but their friend doesn't always depending when their birthday falls. He's also very sensitive and takes things to heart, isn't used to the play fighting/joking about etc lots of the others indulge in.

All the friends from primary are in different schools now apart from one. Ds has been getting very upset that his only friend from primary is telling him that they shouldn't be friends any more as they have nothing in common any longer :( Spoke to child's mother who says he feels pressurised as ds is saying to him he has to be his friend and stick together all the time as he's the only friend he's got. Other child tends to float between friends and is pretty sociable child and hangs about in a group if children one of which bullied ds at primary and has continued to do so at secondary so clearly he doesn't want to be anywhere near that group.
It's horrible watching my happy confident ds becoming so unhappy and upset by it all. Particularly when I didn't want him to be at this school even but couldn't get him into either of my first two choices. He begs me to keep him off school and to phone the other schools to find out if he can go there yet. It's heartbreaking.

Ds also has a birthday next week. Am avoiding the whole friends/party issue by going away for the weekend instead (centre parcs - mega bargain deal) and he's looking forward to that and so am I.

[StellaBrillante]

thank you both for your replies!

nappyaddict - no, not at the moment. He used to play rugby for our local club but with all the travel to & from school at the moment, he's exhausted and need that one day to sleep in and rest (Sunday!). So yes, that's part of the problem.

gillybean2 - enjoy your weekend away, I am sure your ds will have a wonderful time & birthday!!!

The boys have got a disco tonight (with the local girls' school - should be interesting!) so that has taken ds' mind off things. I think some of them have started talking about going into town together (yep, for me it means doing a 2hr round trip to take him 'into town' but oh well!) so maybe things are looking up. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that with school trip and other stuff arranged, the time for us to finally move will be here before we know it. As for ds' birthday, we've settled for having a very close friend over for the night, with swimming, film / games and meal out included and he seems happy with that - thank goodness!!! :-)

[nappyaddict]

Does he go to school on Saturdays then? How make any clubs or activities that the school put on at lunchtime or after school?