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Rant about soon to be ex inlaws!

(8 Posts)
ginnycrls Thu 30-Dec-10 10:34:43

I found out yesterday that my husbands sister is pregnant for the second time....nearly 10 years after her first child and conveniently in time to stay on benefits (am not knocking anyone on benefits as am on them myself at the moment) but just saying while most of us are looking for work now that our children are older, she goes out and gets pregnant and looks to me as if it's because she doesn't want to get a job (apparently there is no boyf on the scene).

Anyway, I found this out from a friend and not my soon to be x.

Backstory, when she was pregnant the first time, she was married (baby is not this mans son) and no one, not even my husband told me about the pregnancy. Was livid about that back then. In fact my mil did not even mention him AT ALL until he was six months old. Yes, they are weird. Then when I had my dd 10 mnths after he was born, my MIL used her birth as an opportunity to tell everyone 'oh, I'm already a Grandma'. Which really ticked me off!!

My MIL who used to text almost daily (this stopped once we started having problems), has not even seen my daughter since my x and I started to have problems in our relationship and not seen her granddaughter now since Oct 09, despite me trying to arrange (have now given up). My dd is so confused by the lack of contact. As little as 5 weeks ago I received a text from MIL asking me not to mention her son (my x) as it is upsetting and she does not want to keep in touch with him (even though, he actually saw her about 3 weeks ago). I had hardly said anything about him at all, only that we were trying to work out arrangements for contact. Now she wants to pretend to me he doesn't exist. MIL is all for the drama and is now going on about her own daughters pregnancy to people (not me obviously). These niggly things only touch the iceberg. Sometimes I think I should write a book about their weirdness. Add to the mix a grandad who hasn't seen his grandaughter in 2 years (MIL and him are divorced and he moved to USA about 20 years ago to avoid paying maintenance for my husband and his siblings) and my x's lovely looking brother who at 27 is so crippled by bi polar he never leaves the house (he lives in with his mother) and another sister who committed suicide 15 years ago and my MIL who has ever sickness going under the sun. I really hate his family. I am so pleased we are getting divorced.

And x is a dick for not telling me. Again.

allnightlong Thu 30-Dec-10 10:40:58

They probably don't like you and your attitude either.

ginnycrls Thu 30-Dec-10 11:42:45

Thanks for your support.

SaggyHairyArse Thu 30-Dec-10 12:06:22

I have a difficult relationship with my soon to be ex in laws. We all sort of tolerated each other when I was living with my soon to be ex husband but really there was no love lost.

Seriously, do not concern yourself with their lives. Let it go. Life is far too short. What does it matter to you what they do or say now, really?

You have to maintain some sort of relationship with your ex but that is as far as it goes now, there is little point harbouring negative feelings about inconsequential people now.

My motto when ex or DC bring up his family: smile and wave,smile and wave wink

ginnycrls Thu 30-Dec-10 12:12:36

Thanks Saggy. Was just ranting. Not really holding on to it, but just found out yesterday from a friend and was reminded of all the nonsense when in that family.

I like your motto!! Like the Queen! x

whiteandnerdy Thu 30-Dec-10 12:40:56

Pahh, when it comes to weirdness I think I give most people a good run for their money. Goodness knows what my DCs partners are going to think of me in the years to come. Still got a few years to practice my lines, "I am no longer the inlaw who says Ni, I am now the inlaw who says, echy echy echy betang-zoopbong."

gillybean2 Thu 30-Dec-10 14:57:35

Running off to usa does not mean you can avoid paying maintenace. Who told you that?! It's because of parents like that that REMO exists.

www.csa.gov.uk/en/case/remo.asp

Wonder what other stuff you have been told by your ex/inlaws that is rubbish too. They clearly don't regard you as part of their family if they don't share good news such as new babys etc.

Stop stressing about them and move on. You have given MIL chance to see her grandchild. She may well be overwhelmed trying to deal with her son right now. And if they didn't mention the first baby to you why would your sil's 2nd baby be mentioned to you now she is ex-sil?

Step back and stop thinking it's all about you. You need to move on and concentrate on being there for your dc as the paternal family clearly aren't going to be.

ginnycrls Thu 30-Dec-10 17:04:07

I'm not thinking everything is about me at all. As I said before, was just ranting, you know, blowing off thoughts without thinking too deeply about them. It's hard for others to understand if they weren't in this family. I have never called them out on all the weirdness and was always patient!

And I guess MIL kept the news of the first baby closely guarded as she didn't consider it good news at the time as my sister in law was pregnant by one man while married to another and this time is pregnant with no boyf and no one to support her. But still, who keeps a baby completely secret until it is six months old! That's all I was saying. And this new baby will be my childs cousin, so you would have thought my xh might have mentioned it before we found out through someone not related. Out of courtesy.

Anyway, thanks to those who have been encouraging. I know there's no point thinking/worrying about any of these people and I know dd and I are on our own with our own lives.

Whiteandnerdy - that is so funny. I didn't think I might be someone's idea of a nightmare in the future!! ha ha.

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