ok so Exp is home on leave, we have no arranged contact, i have told him he can have the dcs anytime aslong as he prearranges it and doesn't just turn up at the house.
he had them today, brought them back at 6pm (agreed time) and sat down on the sofa watching tv. I was just sitting down to my dinner (he had given them dinner at his mums) and when i finished i went back to my ironing. as it approached half 6 i asked ds1 if he wanted a bath, he said yes so i asked EXp if he would like to do it as he was here. so he bathed the dcs and put them to bed and then came back down and sat down on the sofa. i was using the computer so it wasn't like he was even sitting down with me. I feel really awkward when people are in my house, as though i have to entertain them, well it's rude not to speak to someone who visits but as he wasn't really invited to stay it felt weird, i tried to make conversation but he was giving brief answers and carried on watching tv, and then i asked him something about his car (stupid racer boy car that he is trying to sell) and he got annoyed and said " just stop talking to me" quite sharply and i said "hang on, you're in my house, you don't tell me to stop talking to someone who is sitting in my house" so he said "right I'm going" and went off in a bit of a huff.
the thing is this isn't a one off. when he came to collect the dcs earlier (agreed time was 2pm) he arrived 15 minutes early, infact he was behind me for the last few miles of my journey from my mum's and he came into the house and while i was setting teh fire he switched teh computer on and said "I'm using yoru computer" he stayed til afetr 3pm. teh whole time teh dcs had their coats on because i presumed he would be taking them soon but i didn't want to take them off them incase he would take it as invitation to stay longer.
so basically he is taking liberties and i feel he is doing it intentionally to get me to get me to snap and tell him to stop hanging around so that i am the one being unreasonable.
how do i make it clear to him that he isn't invited to lounge about my house but without me being made out to be a cow. which i knwo he will do. FWIW i always have teh dcs ready to go, coats on at agreed pick up time but he usually ahs a reason that he needs to come into the house, like using teh computer or something.
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i feel like i am being pushed to being the 'baddie'
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 28/12/2010 00:14
you are all right, however, (not sure who is aware and who isn't) but i am treading a really fine line with WRT it turning very nasty indeed and i really don't want to be giving him the ammo to start being petty and immature. we have been there before and it was hell. i was thinking about it last night in bed and i realised that he is doing it for my attention, good or bad, so i think if i just carry on my own routine and business exactly as if he weren't there. like washing dishes, dealing with the dcs, telling him "actually we are going out now" so that i am not having to force conversation (which he is aware of btw) and he is getting nothing from being here. it has worked with his texts, i have just ignored all the ones that say things liek he misses me and wants me back and they have stopped. so i think i will do this and he will get the picture. i really can't afford to even be the slightest bit confrontational with him, and aking him to wait at the door would be a red rag to a bull.
thank you all for replying.
happy christmas Dione!! 
but realistically boo how long could this go on for? and where are the limits?
it's going to have to be sorted in the end and in the meantime he's a) stressing you out and b) growing in confidence and the perception of his power/authority etc. the longer you leave it the worst the temper tantrum is going to be no?
all he has is court realistically. if he's not allowed in your house and you don't answer his calls or texts there's nothing else he can do. and what can he say in court, "she won't let me sit on her sofa and scratch my balls"?
he's got nothing. you can do this. maybe it's the last push before he finally gives up. can't have him wearing you down for the rest of your life.
chin up.
at height relevance
that is a fab idea. i could put a nice dangly one in the hallway. i don't have a lampshade there. one that jangles and makes noise almost like an alarm to remind him he doesn't belong here!! mybe i should paint teh hall purple aswell!!
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