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Do I make contact???

(6 Posts)
girliefriend Thu 23-Dec-10 20:20:55

Okay so my dd who is nearly 5 has never had contact with her father - his choice and not what I wanted. I've never known if he had told any of his family about me or dd but recently I've found his brother and sil on facebook. I'm really tempted to message them, wondered what you lot thought?!

BeeandSon Thu 23-Dec-10 20:38:04

Tonight I have been asked by my ds who has never met his father ''if I still have his phone number" which I dont...
still should I begin to act on my son curiousity I will only go via a lawer or mediator. I know that FB is an ordinary form of contact at present but never would I use it to deal with such a sensitive matter.
What does your daughter wants/asks about dad?
What has she been told?
I do admire you for the way you seem very at peace with him.

secretskillrelationships Thu 23-Dec-10 21:29:58

I guess it depends on what you hope to gain from it, especially as you are talking about her father's brother and SIL. Given the problems many of us have with our exes, I would suggest you think very carefully about the pros and cons first.

gillybean2 Fri 24-Dec-10 09:59:46

If you are sure that you are ready and able to cope with whatever reaction you get from them then perhaps you could contact them and say you were wondering if they could put you in touch with their parents. You don't need to say why at this point.

If you could get a letter to the grandparents with a photo that may be a start. However there's no way to know what the reaction will be, especially if they don't know. So take it slow and give them space. Be prepared for your dc to be rejected. However that's no worse than teh situation now is it...

girliefriend Fri 24-Dec-10 20:51:31

Thanks for the replies, it is difficult as I don't know the family and have no idea what their reaction would be, although I'd be amazed if they weren't even a bit curious. My dd goes through phases of asking/thinking about her dad and I do my best to be honest with her. I don't really bear him any ill will as at the end of the day it is his loss. I will keep considering it and see how I feel in the new year. Thanks again.

starshyne Wed 29-Dec-10 22:23:20

Oh my god I could write your message. My son's father doesn't want anything to do with him, part of the reason being that his daughter is 3 months younger than our son It's very hard to deal with. Part of me wants to threaten him with contacting his family as they don;t know about us It's messy but I'm struggling more and more with raising our son alone.

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