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Should I e-mail this internet dating guy back?

(22 Posts)
QueenofWhatever Sun 12-Dec-10 17:26:53

So I have taken niceguy2'a advice and am going for the ninja stealth bomber approach to internet dating. I signed up for Love and Friends and e-mailed this guy a brief and breezy message: 'Hi, how are you, just joined' type of thing.

This is the response I got:


Thanks for the e-mail,

Nice to hear from you,
However you don't say in your profile where in the UK you are.
Also I'm realy not fond of the word 'Bossy'.

If your new to the site I can recommend getting a few good up to date photos, it does make a difference.
(I've only been here a few weeks myself)


Just to put it in context, it hadn't loaded where I live properly, the bossy bit was an attempt at humour and I have got recent pictures up.

My first response was 'Wow, that's a bit harsh'. But I know I'm also very fussy and so I thought, over to you lot. Let the Mumsnet jury decide!

voicesinthedark Sun 12-Dec-10 17:36:01

no, he sounds quite bossy himself!

Niceguy2 Sun 12-Dec-10 17:41:39

IMO, it would be a bit quick to write him off.

On the one hand, I can see why you think its a bit harsh.

On the other hand at least he's replied and taken the time to point out what other men will be thinking.

I'd reply with a short message and say yes you've only been on briefly (like he has), its your first time so your a bit of an amateur at this sort of thing. Tell him where you are in the UK. Tell him the photos ARE up to date and ask what he thinks of them.

He'll either respond if he's interested or he'll give you some honest feedback on how to improve your profile. Worst case is he blanks you and doesn't bother replying in which case you've lost nothing really and is just par for the course on a dating site.

anothermum92 Sun 12-Dec-10 17:48:31

Message withdrawn

ArentFanny Sun 12-Dec-10 17:50:48


hariboegg Sun 12-Dec-10 18:02:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stickersarecurrency Sun 12-Dec-10 18:06:05

He sounds dull, lives by the rules, patronising, probably a traffic warden or something. Pass!

sparklyjewlz Sun 12-Dec-10 18:24:48

I don't think you can tell from that info. Can you email him back and give him another chance?

QueenofWhatever Sun 12-Dec-10 19:52:45

Thanks for the responses, I was busy doing DD stuff. I'm a bit undecided because on his profile he sounds like a nice guy. To be fair, he does describe himself as straight talking.

I was initally tempted to e-mail him back to ask what he meant about the photos. I know I do look younger than I am - I'm also waiting for them to load a good picture of me which was taken in October. Maybe I should wait until it's on my profile.

I'm slightly hesitant to write him off as I actually think he's quite attractgive. <shallow>

QueenofWhatever Sun 12-Dec-10 19:53:29

Or even attractive (distracted by Matt on the X Factor).

sparklyjewlz Sun 12-Dec-10 20:03:09

Go for it! wink

Janos Mon 13-Dec-10 17:46:54

No, I would not bother replying. He is being rude and patronising. Would you speak to someone you didn't know like that? Bet you wouldn't. All you did was send a friendly message.

Pigglesworth Mon 13-Dec-10 22:44:25

I wouldn't - from the moment he has met you, when people are supposed to be on their best behaviour, he is criticising you and acting as though he is "above you". That is likely a theme for his behaviour so if you were to get to know him better, he would still be treating you like this. Just because he views himself as "straight talking" doesn't mean that in reality he isn't rude/ critical. People often view their negative traits with a positive bias. I would definitely not pursue getting to know this person; if you did I imagine you'd look back and regret not responding to this obvious red flag.

DuelingFanio Mon 13-Dec-10 22:47:06

send him an email back saying 'your, you're... note the difference'

evolucy7 Mon 13-Dec-10 23:02:30


iPaddle Mon 13-Dec-10 23:08:15

I dont think it really warrants a response. It doesn't really sound like he necessarily wants one either.
It reads to me like he is replying out of courtesy but not looking to pursue anything more.

iPaddle Mon 13-Dec-10 23:08:57

On to the next one!

wammyzammy1 Tue 21-Dec-10 11:37:33

It all depends on exactly what you are expecting from a man ?.
Most women have a too high expectation of a man, eg: They have to be a certain height , a certain weight , hair or no hair , beard or no beard women should be more open minded about what they are looking for and not stereo type or raise the bar too high.

wammyzammy1 Tue 21-Dec-10 11:47:41

Also men need to take a step back and stop trying to be the dominent one all the time.
Yes sometimes women do like the man to take control of certain situations but not all of them. They also should stop stereotyping women ie: blonde , blue eyed , hour glass figure so it works both ways.
Never judge a book by its cover.

CheerfulV Tue 21-Dec-10 15:04:37

EUGH! No no no. You should smile initially on receiving an email from someone new, and not with incredulity. It's never going to get better, he just sounds like a knob. Why settle for someone alright and who's a bit of a twat secretly, when there are lots of NICE people in the world? Have some standards, woman! wink Mr Right-For-You will come along, and you'll snigger one day that you ever entertained the idea of responding to this man.

Oh, and trust your instincts. Which are spot on here I think. Never try and persuade yourself into something like this.

QueenofWhatever Tue 21-Dec-10 20:23:03

Just to update, I actually did e-mail him back, partly because it did feel so counter-intuitive. I did make a light-hearted reference to him being straight talking. Euphemism for rude?

I didn't get a response, but I wasn't really expecting one. I think I e-mailed him back because I know/friends say that I'm too fussy. If he had replied (not that I would have stayed in contact), it wouldn't have felt like fun, more that it had started on the backfoot.

wammyzammy1 not sure I understand your point.

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake Tue 21-Dec-10 20:25:28

he probably had a small todger

<tries to console Queen> grin

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